ilomilo // billie eilish

Chapter Two

TW: This chapter contains graphic depictions of panic attacks, strong language and explicit conversation. If you have emetophobia I'd recommend skipping the beginning to this too.

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As soon as I delicately placed Lili on the cold tile floor she was vomiting right into the porcelain toilet. The sweet snacks my mom had made us have last night whenever we got back, and maybe even yesterday's dinner... all gone. I didn't hesitate to gently tug her hair back and out of the way, my free hand gently rubbing soothing circles on her back. "Shh, just let it out baby girl, it's okay." I whispered in perhaps the most quiet voice I could muster.

A string of coughs tumbled from my baby's lips mixing in with pained sobs as she upchucked into the toilet bowl once more. "Breathe baby." I reiterated, cursing myself for not knowing what else to say. I just fucking wished that I was better at words.

"I-It hurts." I heard her whimper out before more vomit spilled into the toilet below and I questioned exactly how much she could even have in that tiny body of hers.

"I know, my love, but you're okay." I replied, even though I knew that she didn't believe me. But what else was I supposed to say? That we wouldn't be okay? That we'd probably both be traumatized for life because of this? That internally I was thinking way too hard of where that bullet would've landed in my body if the gun had been loaded. Even though I wouldn't have cared either way whenever it came down to protecting Liliana. I would've taken a whole arsenal of bullets for her. It still made you think though.

"Just let it out, I'm right here." I breathed out, slipping my arm around her waist as she let out a few more dry heaves into the toilet. Waiting until the sound faded to her heavy breathing and little sniffles. My heart feeling like it was clenching and shattering in my chest more and more by the second.

"Girls! Are you okay?! What's going on in there?" My mom's voice called out from behind the door and I let out a shaky breath as I tugged Liliana's limp figure into my arms from behind. Sweat beaded on her forehead and dripped down her pale face. Her eyes were bloodshot and full of tears making them look like delicate little glass balls. Her lips were shaking, threatening to let out even more loud sobs but I could tell she was fighting it. She was fighting like hell not to break anymore. And I wished she knew that it was okay to.

"Mom! Can you bring us a wet wash cloth please!" I called out, reaching a hand outwards to flush her sick down the toilet.

"N-No..." She said through a weak sob as she shook her head.

"Baby, it's okay to break right now, I promise." I assured her, softly stroking her cheek with my hand.

"Oh, Lili, love, what happened?" My mom asked with a concerned look as soon as she stepped into the room. Already reaching for a wash cloth and placing it underneath the sink.

"I got- I-I got sick." She said with a heart wrenching little sob that only made me squeeze her tighter.

"Cancel all of my interviews for today please... today might not be happening after all." I informed her with a quick shake of my head.

"B-But you said-" Liliana choked out and I couldn't have shaken my head faster than I did before.

"Forget what I said, okay? Once you get sick all bets are off. You become my first priority." I spoke, giving my mom a quiet thank you before softly pressing the wet rag to her face. Dabbing it along her cheeks and forehead and pressing it to her lips last of all the clean the sick from them.

"I didn't get sick I just threw up." She said with a whimper, holding her hand to her head. And I could feel her breath rattling in her lungs, like she was still on the verge of a panic attack.