Kya Paate Hain Kya Khotein Hain...

The Blame Game (Dev and Ishwari)

Disclaimer: This is not to victimize/white-wash any character, this is just trying to understand a character from his/her POV, why they believed in a particular thing. This isn't justifying/glorifying them either.

"Neha, jo hogaya main use badal nahi sakta, lekin tu ab bol, bol tujhe kya chahiye, jaise tu kahegi waise hi hoga." (Episode 1)

"Afsos hota hai Maa, majboor thi tu, kyun yeh ladki samajhti hi nahi? " (Episode 4)

"Ek baar jab wo kaafi der se waapas aa rahe the, toh kuch gunde wahaan se gujre, woh gundon ko dekh ke ushi Maa ne chaaku nikala, chota sa chaku par bohot tez tha woh, woh chaaku dekh ke uss ladke ki samajh me aaya, ki iss duniya me na, iss duniya me bohot saare bhediye hain, aur ye duniya ek jungle hai, woh, uss din woh baat samajh gaya ki, himmat toh meri Maa ne juta li hai, takat mujhe jutani hai. Uss din na Sona, woh ladka bara ho gaya, uska bachpan kho gaya." (Episode 44) 

"Nahi I can understand, maine unki beti ka dil dukhaya hai, woh jo bhi kahein kam hoga." (Episode 147) 

"Arre, tumhe kya pata kaisa feel hota hai, jab tumhari behen tumhare tarah aise dekhti ho jaise tumne uske muh se niwala chin liya ho." (Episode 164)

(Reading Dev in between the lines.)

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While people may argue that Dev has always been ignorant of Ishwari's biasness towards him, it's not completely true. Dev is not that blind, he from the first acknowledges that Neha has been discriminated against, it's just that he doesn't want to put the blame on Ishwari.

When the hard times fall on the Dixits, it's not as if Ishwari was having an easy life, he saw what all she went through. The constant humiliation, working round the clock on menial jobs so that her family could survive another day, constantly being harassed by males around her just because she was a single woman, and still going on despite being scared because she had no other choice, or her children would starve. Dev saw all that.

While I agree Neha has been discriminated against, she saw only one side of the coin. Dev and Ishwari shielded Neha, Riya and Nikky on what actually was going in the outside world. Neha's frustration also stems from the fact that she never got the acknowledgement of what she had given up, as her sacrifices were always shadowed by Ishwari's sacrifices and Dev's achievements.

Most of Dev's actions stem from the trauma Ishwari went through after his father's death and his inherent selflessness. So, even when he knows Ishwari is wrong, he rather would try to clean up the mess she created than putting the blame on her door. Because calling Ishwari out would mean both seeing her as a normal flawed human being and disregarding everything she had done for them in his book.

By the time Sonakshi enters his life, he had forgotten what it felt like to live for himself. So, when he falls for the first time he hides it from his mother. (Did Dev subconsciously know that his mother won't accept his choice, is the big question.)

While it has been alluded by the mother-son duo and the other members of the family that they are confidants of the truest sense, they rarely speak their heart out. Ishwari may still voice her displeasure, Dev doesn't if not for the superficial things like food.

In the initial few episodes we see that Ishwari hid her illness just because Dev's London office was being opened. Dev hides Neha's nuptial demands from her. So, how they can be transparent?

Dev is not used to speak about himself as he does not wish to draw anyone's attention to his issues. (They have suffered more than enough.) So, when comes the time to reveal his relationship with Sonakshi to Ishwari, he jumps between two places, a part that sees Ishwari wanting his happiness and the other of not knowing how to open up.

After the chulha drama, when Ishwari accepts their relationship, he's on cloud nine, the only few days where's he's oblivious to what's going around him.

(According to him, his Maa always wanted his happiness, so why was he even a bit skeptical?)

When she overdoses on sleeping pills, one of foundations on which he grew up crashes. It is then he starts to understand that his happiness wasn't ever mutually exclusive to his mother's, it was just a lie that had been told to him. But still since his mother endured so much, for him in particular, it's his duty to take care of her happiness at all costs. 

As he soldiers on, something breaks in him when he comes to know that Ishwari was the one who sent Ritwick's alliance to Sonakshi.

It takes liquid courage for him, to even call her out. So, when Ishwari says that she'll accept Sona for him, while he knows the acceptance is only conditional, he takes it.

For Dev, any crumb of happiness he gets, is what he'll take, he'll not ask for more. (And this is not actually a good thing, for one he's bringing Sonakshi to an environment which is hostile and the other that he's still sacrificing himself in order to keep the balance where he'll not have any support.)

While post-reunion he improves a bit, he still has miles to go. From berating Ishwari for the pre-nuptial agreement papers, or for the navratri vrat he starts taking small strides, but he still refuses to put the blame on Ishawari's door.   

And this comes with a major problem, while Dev has no problems acknowledging his own mistakes, and fixing the wrongs done by his mother and his family, he has a problem addressing Ishwari when she's wrong. He'd rather try to fix it by sacrificing his wishes than speaking up. What he ignores that Ishwari occupies such a large part in his life, these issues will wreck up his existence.

He knows why Bijoy gets disappointed with him and he actually loves the fact that Sonakshi has such strong support system, but a mistake can't be fixed if there's only a partial effort, the effort which lacks from Ishwari's side, and him accepting whatever meagre efforts she makes. He is used to such half-hearted efforts (which is detrimental for him), but it doesn't mean Sonakshi should have to be satisfied as well.

But Dev is still a long way from voicing it out, holding Ishwari accountable.

Dev is only one of the trio, who has made peace that he'll never have a child. And this is me not justifying him anyway, but simply from his perspective. He knows Sonakshi will want to have that fertility treatment, so when Ishwari keeps that as demand, he accepts it, without taking Sonakshi's consent. And it's wrong.

Dev by that time had reached to a point that he was willing to do anything to keep his family intact.

Dev really reaches a breaking point when he learns of the pre-nuptial agreement which were signed without his consent by Ishwari, and asked to choose between his family and Sonakshi. At that point he realized that his happiness means nothing to his family, he has always been a mere provider. And when forced then, he chooses Sonakshi over his family. But, the damage has been done by then, Sonakshi's tolerance level has been exhausted. That combined with the conspiracies by Mamiji and Vickkey, pushes Sonakshi to leave his life.

Dev not only loses his biological family that night, but he loses the only person who cared about him, his happiness.

And finally aided by this cruel lesson, he starts to ask questions that had always been there in mind, confront his family, lay the blame on Ishwari's door when she was wrong.

Healthy discussions welcome.