Kya Paate Hain Kya Khotein Hain...

Ishwari Dixit: Main Sirf Maa Hoon

Disclaimer: This is not to victimize/white-wash any character, this is just trying to understand a character from his/her POV, why they believed in a particular thing. This isn't justifying/glorifying them either.

The innumerable times Ishwari has said this dialogue, and the way it gets to your nerves, that whenever she opens her mouth to say this, you want her to shut up.

We initially loved her, then tried to understand her, got frustrated and angry with her, and some just gave up on her. KRPKAB has some of the most logical and nuanced writing behind it, so what exactly does Ishwari mean when she says this?

Let's just dissect her identity a bit through the timeline.

Ishwari, a woman carrying the identity of a wife and mother of four children, was turned into a widow when her husband died. She was now a woman and mother of her children. Under-educated, with no skills, she took up menial jobs to keep the household running, selling everything of value but the silver glass etched with Dev's initials, with a hope that her brightest child will pull them through the poverty they were mired in. Ishwari is sexist but is understandable according to the times and environment she has been brought up in, where men earn while women take care of the household. (But, even her partiality had logic, Dev was better in studies than Neha, elder, and she had means to educate only one child at that time, so Dev was chosen.)

So, she hinges all her hope on Dev, who is studious and gets him admitted to a prestigious and expensive school where he can secure a scholarship. Unluckily, Dev falls ill before the exam, and he comes second instead of being first. Ishwari though, was left scrambling for money. With already harsh financial conditions, homelessness and now the fees to be submitted, she found herself backed in a corner, and committed a crime. She stole a pair of gold bangles from her employers. Ishwari may be flawed but isn't evil, she feels the remorse, but saw no way around it. Through this action, she forgoes her identity of being a woman. And since the crime was mainly committed to help Dev, she becomes primarily Dev's Maa.

(Note: Dev inherits this guilt from his mother. He feels compelled to be the savior of his family, and whenever something goes wrong he blames himself.)

From then onwards, she functioned as Dev's Maa. She did not have any other identity. Alternating between feeling guilty for her crimes and her love for Dev, she lived her life. So, whenever came an idea of even sharing Dev with anyone, she was terrified. She tried to be objective, but her flaws hampered her.

She did not hate Sonakshi. When her initial prejudices were put aside, she respected her as an individual, even shared her happiness and sorrows with her. She welcomed her help and her opinions. Even when she was hell-bent on seperating Dev and Sonakshi post-breakup, she still wanted the best for her. She chose Ritvik for her, he was a gem wasn't he?

I'll put it through two instances, remember the Minister's party? When Dev pulled Sonakshi on the dance-floor, to escape his daughter, Ishwari had a subtle smug smile, for a potential match had been thwarted. But, when someone commented of Sonakshi being the perfect choice, she reacted negatively. Similarly, when Sonakshi convinced Neha to wear her wedding garb, she thanked her, but her smile immediately fell when Sonakshi mentioned, she did it due to Dev.

Ishwari had a problem with her Daughter-in-law, not Sonakshi. So, whoever had entered Dev's life as his spouse would be merited with the same treatment. (And Ishwari knew this was wrong, she wanted to be happy in Dev's happiness, but just couldn't.)

She forever lived in the fear of losing Dev. So, she does whatever she can to keep him close. And because she isn't inherently evil, she feels the guilt whenever she wrongs him. But it was not enough to stop her. 

So, by the time Dev almost severed the bond with his family, she was so numb with the crimes she had committed, that nothing made sense to her. She just blamed the nearest person (Sonakshi) for it. For if Dev could leave his Maa for that girl, what he would do, if he came to know of the sin she did? (This is aptly portrayed by Dev's reactions she imagines in two scenarios.) For, if she's not Dev's mother, she's no one. She also wanted forgiveness from the family she wronged, searching for them through the years.

When that family forgives her, and Dev understood her motivations, instead of blaming her, she then absolves herself. She then, corrects the wrongs committed by her in other relationships. Only then she could assume positions, other than being just Dev's mother.

And nothing before this, could lead to her redemption, or accepting Sonakshi as her Daughter-in-law.

She sought forgiveness from Sonakshi, understood Asha when she wrote the story, united with her daughters, became a grandmother and went to work, to embrace her identity of being a woman.

Note: This is the best redemption track, that I have ever seen in any form of cinema. And though all the actors were perfect in their places, Supriya Pilgaonkar just smashed it out of the park. You feel for Ishwari (good or bad), and the subtle nuances she puts through.

Healthy discussions welcome.