Of All the Feathers I Lost

The Moment I Learned that I'm Already an Adult

I felt that I'm already an adult when every family gossips during get together is a mood.

I felt that I'm already an adult when I do not get mad anymore for not being called when mom's going to buy groceries.

I felt that I'm already an adult when I took interest in politics and would go debate online with my candidate's bashers and would not actually care being called a "keyboard warrior" because that is absolutely true.

I felt that I'm already an adult when the first time I had a plant makes me want to take care and water it almost every hour.

I felt that I'm already an adult when money matters to me more than anything else like you dream of just having everything you want with your own money.

and I felt that I'm already an adult when I got scared of going through the phase where we have to lose people or things to be able to grow up and be much stronger.

I got scared when I learned that being an adult is about not getting hurt when people do not invite you over for a party.

I got scared when I learned that being an adult means handling and hiding pain is usual and you have to pick yourself up because they think you understand everything.

and I got scared when I learned that being an adult is about doing things alone most of the times and you always have to have yourself because no one's going to be there when you wanted to.

For some reasons, there are some things that I do not agree the most when talking about adulthood. Like for example, people are expecting you to move out from your parents' house when you reached eighteen then try living on your own with the money you got from a part time job, people expect you to have driver's license so you can drive around the city with your friends with a get away vehicle from your friend's dad, or sometimes people think that life starts around your age where you need to know everything just to be called 'mature'.

Well, if that is what you think an adult should do. Then let me tell you this.

Ignorance, immaturity, childishness, and even laziness do not end when you are in a stage of being a young adult. These things are normal and you would always still find yourself  asking how to use beep cards, still curious how the lights from the refrigerator turns off when you close it, and would still want to be kissed and hugged by your mom.

You do not have to know everything.

It is okay to feign ignorance, to be still called childish and to wonder about things. You do not need a high IQ just to be an adult. You are still learning and you need more guidance by the people around you because you are still a kid. Be it inside or out, the world should not care because we all grow at different phase and at different times. Some may grow too early and some may have it late, but that does not make you less of a person. Those things are normal.

If you doubt that you are being left behind by your same age peers just because most of them already has a job and can fund their needs and wants, does not mean you have to be like them. You can still find it difficult to find a part time job because you want to focus on your studies more. Some of us might feel guilty because we still get support from our parents and that is alright. I do acknowledge the same feelings because I too, were financially supported by my single mother even if I am already in college. I felt so guilty but I get why I feel that way. But just for you to know, their sacrifices are not going to waste. I believe that you are working so hard right now, turning night into day just to finish all your tasks, and having no time to rest just to build up a good research paper because you want to achieve something. You gave up having fun because you want to give back and have it all after you accomplished your goal.

You sacrifice now to enjoy it later. 

People perceived us young adults wrongfully thinking that we got everything in hand, but no that is not true. It is alright to be clueless and do not have plans yet. We can figure it our along the way where we acquire knowledge from our experiences. Those things can help up think and reflect on what we really wanted to do. It is okay to not have dreams yet. I just want you to know that you can always take your time onto thinking and figuring about it because you have got the chance to know yourself better during your entire journey to adulthood.

It is much better to know what you want in a slow phase than to do what the world wants you to do in a wrong way.

Because the moment I learned that I'm already an adult, I learned a lot about me and so I+ told myself that whatever happens, just remember that nobody knows you better than you do. So if everything around me seems unfamiliar and deceiving, I just need to trust myself and acknowledge what I feel while also seeking guidance from Him.