My time with Mischief

The chat

*A/N I'm so sorry this took so long it's been deadline season at uni*

The walk to Bucky's room was painfully silent and I cursed myself with every step we took across the compound. Nat gives me a puzzled look as we walk past her in the kitchen and I manage to mouth the word 'Loki' to her without Bucky noticing. The look she gave me could only be described as 'I'm praying for you'. Which in fairness, is needed.

We get to his room and he holds open the door for me, motioning for me to go inside. I shuffle awkwardly into his room and perch on the end of his bed as Bucky closes the door behind him.

"So what's going on Doll?" Bucky asks, sitting on his desk chair in front of me.
"I wanna talk to you about Loki..." I sigh, struggling to meet his eyes.
"I guessed that much." He laughs nervously. "Just tell me doll you can tell me anything, you know that." He smiles encouragingly at me but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"We... we're together now." I mumble, looking down playing with my hands.
When Bucky doesn't reply, I peak up at him. His steel blue eyes glazing over as he runs his hand through his hair. "Bucky?" I whisper.

"Are you happy?" He asks, his voice a near whisper.
"I am..." I reply softly.
"And do you love him?" Buck asks with a tight voice.
"Yes..." I whisper, looking back down to my lap as tears began to sting my eyes. "I'm sorry Buck..." I mumble.

After a few moments, Bucky stands from his chair and crouches down in front of me, taking my hands.
"Why are you apologising?" He asks kindly and I look up and see that his eyes are just as watery.
"I - I don't know..." I say nearly sobbing.
"You haven't done anything wrong. You've followed your heart and taken your shot at happiness. There's nothing to be sorry for doll." Bucky soothes, his thumb running over the back of my hand.

"I just don't wanna hurt you Buck... this was never a plan and my intention was never to upset you. I care about you so much." I choke out.
"Hey. Listen to me." He says wiping his eyes. "I'm not angry with you, I'm happy for you. Truly I am. But, of course this hurts. I care about you too, more than anything." Bucky says, his voice strangled in his throat.
"I'm sorry..." I whisper.
"There's nothing to be sorry for."

We sit in solemn silence for a few minutes, neither one of us really knowing what to say.
Finally he breaks the silence, his hand still on mine.
"Can I ask you one more thing?" He half laughs.
"Of course, anything." I say forcing a smile.
"We can still be friends right? I... I can't lose you completely. Please..." He asks, his voice cracking and a stray tear rolls down his cheek as he looks at me.

"Oh Bucky..." I whisper, my own tears now escaping as I wrap my arms around him. He instantly wraps his around me, clinging onto me. "You're not losing me I promise, I'd be lost without you." I cry into the crook of his neck.
"You promise?" He sniffles.
"Cross my heart. And I'll still come running if I hear you having a nightmare, coffee burns and all." I tease and we both laugh, pulling back from the hug.
"Okay good. At least now I won't have to hold back when we're training together." He winks.
"Yeah right, super soldier or not, I can kick your ass and you know it Barnes." I grin.
"Hmmm... we'll see." He chuckles dryly.

"I'm happy for you doll, truly." Bucky smiles.
"Thank you Buck." I smile back.
"We should head back downstairs, they might start getting the wrong idea if we're here much longer." He sighs, standing up.
"You're probably right." I giggle, following him to the door.

"Would it be okay if you gave me a few days space before the New Year's Eve party?" Bucky asks in a quiet voice as he closes his door behind us.
"Oh..." I whisper, feeling my heart sink all the way to my stomach. "Of course Buck, whatever you need." I manage to squeak out, tears once again stinging my eyes.