Falling - Tom Holland imagine

Chapter 10

TW - recollections of abuse & mental health issues

Tom had hung up the tea towel to dry and headed in to the living room, only to find everyone had gone and he had cursed as he'd missed his chance to get Y/N alone to confess his feelings, but had been slightly comforted to know she'd not gone out with the twins and their mates but had instead gone home.

Over the course of the next few days he sent her a few flirty messages, on a separate chat to the family one, asking if she'd make him a cake just as good for his birthday, and checking up on her arm, which still worried him.

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I was surprised to be getting messages just from Tom, as he never really interacted with me over text and most of our chats had been sat together on the sofa, or over board games, tea in hand, family around us. I thought back to the party where he'd saved the day when my arm had clenched and my grip had been lost on the cake stand, how he'd stood so close to me, so close I could smell his aftershave and hair gel and deodorant and feel the warmth radiating from his muscular body. And how his eyes had been so soft and yet so dark and intense and, hadn't he.......hadn't he licked his lips as he stroked my arm. Surely I was imagining that, but wait, he'd been eating cake, it must have been some stray crumbs or something, there's no other reasonable explanation, even though I longed for there to be.

His messages were cute and borderline flirty and friendly, which I just chalked up to being the way he was, that confident, happy, amicable guy. I shouldn't read too much into it - after all he was just a family friend, and I didn't, I couldn't lose that family, not another one. So I chose to respond just as friendly as he was, being careful to not overstep that line, but feeling a warmth at every message he sent, every backstage photo he sneaked to me and every xxx at the end of every one.

Tom had been really busy with his final week of filming and I was thrilled to be included with his family as part of an invite to a wrap party taking place in a big venue in London, but when it came to the day I just couldn't face it. I hadn't slept the night before as it had finally come round to the anniversary of my divorce, and whilst I was free from Callum and all his abusive ways, I found I was still imprisoned inside my head. The flashbacks had been so intense and overwhelming that I'd felt ungrounded all the day my meds making no difference to the churning turmoil inside and the clouds, the clouds laid dark and ominous over me. I felt like a thousand pound weight was laid on me, on my heart and it took too much effort to move. I tried to rise again and again during the day, trying to convince myself of the fun tonight would be, how good it would be to see Tom all dressed up and in his element, but the weight was too heavy this time. I dragged my arm with my phone in it up to my face, sending a quick text, scheduled for a couple of hours hence, apologising to Nikki and Dom, but saying I wasn't feeling well and would catch up soon. Then put the phone on do not disturb and burrowed back under the duvet and pillows, just waiting for the day to pass as the darkness grew, inside and out.

Nikki had been concerned when the message arrived and immediately tried to call, but to no avail, knowing that Tom had hoped to use tonight as a chance to tell Y/N how he felt about her and that was now in the dust. She sent a quick message back, saying to stay safe and feel better soon, before heading out to tell her eldest son of the delay in his plans.

A couple of days later I was beginning to emerge from the depths of my depression, of my despair, to push back the darkness and feel more sociable, more able to cope with the rigours of normal social interaction and maybe ready to visit the Hollands and apologise in person; I'd seen Nikkis message and it made tears come once again to my eyes, just a simple expression of concern and care which had undone me, so unused was I to having someone to care. I pushed myself onward, knowing the longer I left it the harder it would be to slip back into their family. So I dressed in a clean slouchy emerald green long sleeve tshirt and indigo bootcut jeans with black ankle boots, grabbed my bag and headed out.