We'll Always Have Hawaii

Chapter 11

"What?!", he was completely caught off-guard by her sudden emotional outburst.

"I'm no longer your mistress, Lindsey! I'm too old for your kind of games!"

"I can't believe you're putting this all on me!", he said in disbelief, "You were the one who forced me into that marriage! You were the one who said, if I didn't marry her, you'd leave the band and won't ever see me again!"

"Yes, I did say that! But what you did was even worse!"

"What are you even talking about?!"

"Our arrangement, Lindsey! How could you even ask me to do that?! Fucking you once a year! How absurd is that?"

"It was the only possible way for me to have you while you did your best to push me out of your life! I wanted you, god, still want you, and all you've been doing is pushing me away!"

"Lindsey, you have responsibilities for God's sake!"

"I had one son back then, Stevie, yes!"

"Exactly! And that was more than I was ever able to give you!"

"We couldn't have children together! So what, Stevie? It made me love you any less!"

"Lindsey, I was pregnant back then!", she screamed suddenly, then she clapped her hands over her mouth in shock.

She had never planned to tell him that.

"Oh my God..", she mumbled, "I need to get out of here.."

"Steph, what..-?"

He stood with his mouth wide open while she grabbed a jacket and her keys and headed out of her apartment. It took him two minutes to realize what had just happened, what she had just told him. Then, he turned around and ran after her, impatiently pushing the button of the elevator to return but the damn thing was way too slowly, so he headed down the stairs.

Five minutes later, he finally arrived on the ground floor and rushed outside of the building, quickly looking up and down the street. He needed to find her as fast as possible. Not just because he needed to talk to her but also because it was quite dangerous for her to run alone, only dressed in her nightgown, through LA in the middle of the night. This was so unlike Stevie! And that was the part that worried him the most.

Where could she be, he asked himself, looking around. Suddenly, his eyes caught the ocean in front of him and he knew where she was. She had always loved the ocean.

Quickly, he crossed the road and hurried to the beach. He didn't even bother to remove his shoes and it didn't take long until his socks were full of sand. He didn't care, though. He needed to find her. The beach wasn't lit by any light and it was hard to see through the dark of the night, but somehow he managed to make out some fresh footprints in the sand and followed them until he eventually saw her sitting on the ground in front of him, desperately clutching at her jacket. She was obviously freezing in the chilly breeze of March.

Carefully, he approached her and sat down next to her, taking off his own jacket to wrap it around her tiny frame, as well.

She looked blankly out to the black water in front of her, silent tears running down her cheeks, and he instantly felt waves of pain flooding him. There was nothing that hurt him more than seeing her like that.

"Steph?", he asked carefully after a while, "What... What baby?"

She bit her lip, knowing that there was no way out of this anymore. She had to tell him now.

"I was pregnant.", she said again, but this time her voice was barely a whisper.

"When?"

"Shortly after we...broke up.. and you.. married Kristen.."

"But how...? I... Was it mine?"

She turned her head and looked right into his eyes and he knew instantly that this had been the wrong question to ask.

"Of course, it was yours, Lindsey!", she yelled.

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. It's just.. I had no idea.. Why didn't you tell me? What.. What happened to the baby? What..-"

"I lost it!"

"Oh God!", he sighed heavily and burried his face in his hands, "Why didn't you tell me? Steph.. Gosh, you went through all of this alone?!"

"My mother knew.."

"How far along were you?"

"Too far.."

"What does that mean?"

"She was.. She was already... I held her in my arms when...", Stevie had started to cry now again and her whole body was shaking by her desperate sobbing.

"No...", he mumbled and took her into his arms.

"I was in the 24th week.."

"But that means..-", he gasped.

"Yes.. She was so tiny, Linds.."

"Why didn't you tell me?", Lindsey asked for the third time, but now tears were welling in his eyes, too.

"I.. Look, I thought that I couldn't get pregnant anymore.. And I said you should go and marry Kristen and be with her and William and.. When I found out you were already married.. I got pregnant on our last night in December back then and.. Six months later.. I ... I lost her.."

"Steph..", he sighed and pulled her closer into his arms, "I can't believe it.."

"I didn't want to make you miserable, Linds.. It was better that way.."

"Oh Steph, no! How can you say that? You went through this all by yourself.. I cannot even imagine how.."

"Every December 15th, I got somehow reminded of how we made her, you know.. It was like... Well, reliving this night over and over again.. And then those months afterwards, it felt like losing her and you again and again and again.. Lindsey, I just can't do this anymore.. And with my mother gone, now.. She was the only one who knew about it.."

"I cannot even imagine what you've been through those past years.. Oh, Steph.. I wish I'd known.. I wish you'd told me.."

"I just wanted to protect you.. You were so happy with Kristen and your son.. And then you got Leelee.. And Stella.."

Lindsey couldn't bear it any longer. What Stevie had felt those past years must have been pure torture. Seeing him having one child after the next one, reliving her loss over and over again and meeting him every year at the same place and time when they had created a baby that she had lost months later and that she had held lifeless in her arms.

"Come on, Steph.. You're freezing.. Let's get you back home..", he said softly, pulled her up and carried her all the way back to her condo, her clinging to him like a little child, still desperately sobbing into his chest.

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Okay, and once again my story turns out completely different than actually planned. Especially, way more dramatic. That wasn't my intention in the first place.. lol  I hope you like it, though?
Well, I came up with this idea after remembering Stevie saying on stage a few weeks ago that she would have had a child in the age of 16 now... Much love, Lara