You can't be my mum (a Lucy Bronze fanfic) - Book 1

Chapter 9 - you don't have to apologise

After breakfast, we went to all sit in the lobby for 30 minutes until the coach arrived to take us to the football pitch. The conversation had reverted back to football and they began asking questions, "are you good at football then Rosie?". I wasn't sure how to reply without sounding too big-headed and over confident so I just replied, "I'm alright yeah". Lucy's voice arose from the background, "come on, you have to tell the truth". I looked at her to see her with a big smile on her face. I then turned to the other girls and said, "I'm-...err..I'm actually captain of the U16's at my school and the record goal scorer of the season". I received a lot of shocked faces and 'woah's . Ellen White announced with a light laugh, "looks like I've got competition. Mini Bronze might take my spot". Mini Bronze. It was a nice nickname. I liked being a Rosie Bronze a lot more than I liked being a Rosie Cliff. It just flowed better. It also made me smile every time I heard it.

On the bus, I sat next to Lucy. I leaned against her, my head on her chest as we passed light conversation between us. She was telling me about Manchester, my soon to be permanent home, and I sat up straight. She frowned at me and asked, "you okay?". I replied, "I haven't had a chance to thank you for saving me. I know that your probably very confused about the whole situation and what happened last night and I promise you, I will tell you. It might just take a bit of time, I'm sorry". I could tell she understood as she motioned for me to lie back on her and she whispered, "you don't have to thank me or apologise, I understand baby girl". For the rest of the journey we just stayed like that until we heard the sound of a camera. I groaned towards Lucy, "Millie and rach". She just laughed and said, "just think of all the photos we'll be able to look back on thanks to them". I gave a light laugh, knowing that it was true. I wanted as many photos of us together as possible.

Lucy Bronze's POV:
Rosie joined in with training, Leah had a spare pair of boots in a size 5 that Rosie borrowed for the time being until she got her own. She was actually much better than anyone expected. Her confident aura off the pitch reflected her play on the pitch as well. Just like me, she could run for miles. She was also very versatile, she was a natural forward but defensively, she was incredible. The only think stopping her from being the best, was herself. You could see that every now and then she would back off the ball, almost as if she wasn't trusting herself to play well.

During the break, she looked in pain. She was clutching her rib and her eyes had newly formed tears in them. After she had fallen down in practice yesterday, I had pieced it all together that she had injured her rib. I didn't understand why she didn't tell the nurse, but I wasn't going to tell the nurse myself, that was up to her. Caught up in my thoughts about Rosie's rib injury, I hadn't realised she had gone to the toilets/changing room. I followed after her, hoping to help her with whatever was going on. As I entered, I shouted, "Rosie?! Are you okay?". I heard a weak, "yes, I'm fine", but I didn't believe her. I walked up to the toilet cubicle that she was in and knocked on the door, "do you want to let me in?" I didn't receive a response so I asked again, but firmer. She murmured, "two seconds". I heard the toilet flush, even though I knew she wasn't going to the toilet. She opened the door and walked towards the sink to wash her hands. I followed her and decided to approach the situation calmly. Maybe then she would be more likely to tell me something, "are you okay?". She replied clearly frustrated, "I said I was fine". She began to walk out the door and I grabbed onto her arm to stop her. She just froze. Her face turned to stone. Only her eyes had movement. You could see a battle of pain and fear happening beneath them. I quickly realised that I shouldn't have done that and whispered out, "I'm sorry". This snapped her back into reality and she walked out the door without saying anything.

For the next half of training, Rosie didn't join in. She said she was tired, but I couldn't help think it was something to do with what happened in the changing room. I could see that a flood of bad memories had been let loose in her brain and I felt guilty that I was responsible for that. On the bus, she sat next to Jill and I sat next to Keira. She could tell that something was bothering me, "are you okay? You've been quiet this whole time. That's not like you" I desperately wanted to tell her the situation and see if maybe she could help but I decided to respect Rosie's privacy,so I just told Keira that it was something to do with Rosie. She seemed to understand and left it alone for the rest of the journey. Even though she didn't know what was happening, she was still there for me. Her hand was on top of mine and her thumb was caressing the surface.

After we arrived back at the hotel, we had lunch together as a team. Rosie was still ignoring me, however, I could see it was becoming difficult for her. More than once, I had observed her walk in my direction, remember what had happened, and slowly change direction. It was hard for me too. I wanted nothing more to spend all day with my daughter. Rosie sat with Leah, Jordan and Beth for lunch, she seemed to be having a good time with them, but I wished it was with me. We had a few hours of free-time after lunch, before dinner at 6.30 and then bed at 9.30. Some of the girls chose to go for a swim, have a nap or go into town for their free-time. I decided to go to the room and maybe watch the man city documentary.

Rosie's POV:
After lunch, I went up to the room. I was hoping that Lucy would be there so that we could talk, but when I opened the door, all I received was a loud silence. I was disappointed, but a tiny bit relieved because it meant I wouldn't have to tell Lucy everything...yet.

I started to scroll through Instagram. I texted Amelia: hey, I'm fine. A lot has happened but I'm safe, and I'm with Lucy Bronze 😮. I'll call u later X. Just as I pressed send, Lucy strolled into the room. When she saw me lying on my bed, she immediately smiled and walked over towards me. I moved to the bottom of my bed and gestured that it was okay for her to sit next to me. We both started to speak at the same time. I laughed lightly and said, "you go". She immediately started to apologise,"I'm really sorry for what happened before, I didn't mean for it to happen, I just-...I just don't know a whole lot about parenting, I mean this is as new to me as it is to you and I didn't want to do anything to upset you, especially not on our first day together" she finished, looking relieved, but also a bit sad. I reassured her that it wasn't her fault and she brought me into a hug. A type of hug that made me feel safe and comfortable.

We cuddled up together on my bed, and put on the Manchester City documentary that Lucy wanted to watch. As we were about 35 minutes in, she paused it. I could tell that she wanted to tell me something by the amount of times she began speaking but the words never actually left her mouth. She eventually sat up, faced me and finally let out, "I know about your rib injury". At first, I was shocked at how she knew. I tried to ask her, but now it was my time to be speechless. I eventually managed the words out, not much above a whisper, "how do you know?". To which she replied, "I saw you clutching your rib multiple times today and pieced it together with what happened yesterday at school. It wasn't hard to see to be honest." I decided that if I kept trying to bury the truth, everything would only get worse. I trusted Lucy, after all she is my mum. My brain ached from all the pain and suffering I had endured in silence. Now, someone who truly cared about me wanted to be let into my life, and I wasn't about to stop it from happening.

After I had made my decision, I stood up and paced up and down the room for a bit. Lucy just stared at me, sensing I was about to tell her something serious.

And I was.