Where Now

Usually Squirrels Hold ... Olives?

"One more damn chemical equation to memorize and I will OFFICIALLY f***ing lose it! Isn't the fact that Pharmaceutics is pretty much of a burden enough?! Let me live my life!!" I angrily growled like a maniac at the laptop, the flickering berries-scented candle, and the cup of thinned-down coffee that I wasn't supposed to be drinking at 1 am in the morning but I had to anyway. Even my favorite candy could've not stopped the meltdown I was having... well, maybe it could. 

I sighed heavily to cool down a bit. The angry tears wanted to break free but I held in. I slowly got up from sitting for 6 hours which felt like a 9 to 5 shift. In my PJs, I went and grabbed my mask, my keys, my wallet and its crumbled $10 (absolute heaven by the way), and my brown "organic-chemistry-lab-smelling" wool jacket and went out for a short walk to get some Skittles.

 At least I thought this would cool down my anger. I was wrong... as usual. While I was going downstairs, my mind did its thing, overthinking. "Hey I am still in a break", I doubtly told myself. "I seriously can't fail my next midterm or else I will have to ace the final exam, which is physically IMPOSSIBLE", I stewed over. My mind was rushing and twirling, not noticing... I don't know actually. Reality?

You may already assume I am this nerd that probably has no friends, is a total loner, listens to Daddy Issues on repeat, and wears too many hoodies and baggy jeans every day although I won't listen to your opinion if you don't like this style because baggy clothes are a total hit. Absolute awesomeness. Comfortable as h*ll. Showstopping. Never the same- okay f*** you get it. If you are still convinced I am all of the above, well, I am... now. I didn't and never would've thought to change quickly, as in two months, because of how nasty life can be. I used to be a whole social butterfly. I was an A student that was known for being hardworking, friendly, and supportive of the people around me. I also was absolutely the most awkward person to exist. Have you ever been in too many embarrassing moments that you don't care about it anymore? Lol, neither did I.

A few months ago, my grandmother died due to this ugly virus that made all people wear masks 24/7. Except for my neighbor, Mrs.Kora... she won't wear it over her dead body. Bet. Anyways, Grandma Anni, used to be, still is actually, my everything. We used to be very close. Life was perfect with all the memories we created together from playing with balloons after celebrating my birthday, watching social experiments tv shows, to midnight talks and picnics near the seashores every Friday. I can guarantee you that no one has ever cared about me as much as she did. Indeed, this was my hardest goodbyes and it affected me during my SATs and 12th Grade finals. I still got the opportunity to become a Pharm-D student with all my might to keep our promise, creating a good future for myself. I must be the worst at keeping promises. Agh, I wish she could've been around during my graduation man, at least. This thought always builds tears up in my eyes. 

Oh, and about my parents, they were so busy and they moved on faster than me. Both were too busy and didn't notice I grew so distant from them. But didn't care. I had my grandma. Underline the word had  60 times. It's not easy. At all.

The fact that I had a midterm the next day at 10 am while thinking of my grandma and walking down the cold streets on a rainy night was not it. I wasn't lucky today obviously. It was h*lla sober of a day for me. When I reached the store, I just snatched a bag of OG Skittles and a bottle of water, bought them and dipped. While I was paying for the goodies, I overheard two men speaking about people going missing and how they didn't leave any trace behind them except a random picture of them attached to what seemed like an olive by a thread which they recognized as a part of their clothes before their disappearance....... LMFAO. College janitors and workers are known to be fun and create stories to pass the boredom and tiredness of having no appropriate vacations, but hey, it was never my fault to hear the "Knock Knock, Hawaii, Hawaii who, I'm fine thank you" typa joke, y'all have a  job from hell. That one story can take the cake this time. I brushed off whatever nonsense I heard to keep those 6 brain cells intact to surround the +120 chemical formulas that I barely recalled which added to my fears even more.