I Miss You (I Blank You #1)

seven

I hear the clinks of glasses, it seems that the quick exchange of short words reached her. Now, it's a matter of time before I give her a reason.

Hanggang ngayon, gumagawa ako ng mga aksyon ng hindi iniisip ang bunga nito 'pag dating sa kanya.

"Nakainom na ako ng tubig," bulong niya.

Not knowing how to continue the impromptu conversation, I just muttered "Good" under my breath.

Humina boses niya, medyo nahimasmasan dahil sa ininom na tubig, "Saan ako nagkamali?"

It's now or never. I brought this upon myself.

"Bakit mo ako tinawagan?" bago pa siya makasagot ay pinalitan ko agad ang tanong, "Scratch that. Why are you desperately trying to get back with me?"

Wala ako narinig sa kanya makalipas ang ilang minuto.

"See? This is just one of your rash decisions. I'm telling you this one last time, Rena. You take your own path while I take mine. You see where we're at now? You're now a successful CEO while I'm an asset of Beilin Co. So please Rena..."

"Keene, I still love you."

Once again, my world stopped with mere words from her.

"Stop joking around, Rena" I utter out while humorlessly laughing at our ridiculous situation.

"I never stopped loving you... I tried forgetting you—heck, I even entered a relationship just to forget you but in the end, it's still you." sincerity can be heard from her tone.

Umiling-iling lang ako kahit na hindi niya ako nakikita, "Don't... Don't do this."

"It's the truth. Am I not allowed to speak my heart out? Kaya Keene, please give me one more chance."

"No." I said while closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose, "Stop."

"Then what am I doing wrong?! You're always giving me the cold shoulder!" nagsisimula na tumaas ang boses niya, most likely it's the alcohol talking.

"That's enough, Rena."

"Not until you tell me. You're always avoiding my questions! 'Don't' this and 'stop' that! I'm sick of it! You haven't changed, Keene!"

I click my tongue at her words at napamulat ng mata, brows furrowed in frustration and anger, trying my best not to raise my voice, "Don't you dare go with that conclusion, Shauna. You're the one who didn't change."

I heard her sneer, "Oh I've changed Keene."

That made me grit my teeth, "You were the reason why we parted ways. Stop picturing yourself as the victim, Shauna."

Our current situation made me snicker and added, "There, are you happy? This is like how we were before. Unti-unti mo na nakukuha gusto mo. Bravo, Rena."

"No. You were the one who cut all connections when I wanted to fix things. You cowardly changed majors and stopped everything I did to reach out instead of patching things like how a normal couple would!" she exclaimed, putting the blame on me. Yet again.

I can't help but raise my voice, "So, I'm the coward now? Wow, that's rich coming from you!"

Blinded by temporary rage, I continue my words, "You willingly tell the whole university what led to our breakup. Let me remind you of your own words, 'Career would always be my top priority. Everyone knows that. Aside from career being what's constant in life, love comes and goes. One shouldn't limit themselves to loving one person.' was what you said."

I hear her scoff from the other line, "It's as I've said 'everyone knows that.' You are no stranger with my choice. You always tell me that you support me with everything. You know how optimistic I am, Keene!"

"You still don't get it, do you?" my breathing becomes uneven, chest rising and falling from the anger I'm penting up.

"Shauna, you made me look like a fool. The students heard you loud and clear. I heard you loud and clear. They're happy for you and the universe knows how bloody delighted I am knowing that you have your future envisioned pero Shauna alam mo kung saan ka nagkamali?"

"Saan?" I can hear her holding back her tears.

"We were happily in love when you said that. I can even go as far as saying that we were at the peak of our relationship! We planned everything together... I joined you in building our future. The 'I' you used to imagine turned into 'we.' Not long after, that 'we' came back to 'I.'"

I take a shaky deep breath and look up at the ceiling, venting out the words I held back then, "That's when it became crystal clear. Our future I thought we visioned turns out to be your future. I confronted you right after the event but guess what? You chose to selfishly make everything about yourself. Insisting that I'm still at fault..."

Naramdaman ko tumulo luha ko at agad-agaran ko pinunasan 'to, "There you go. That's my two cents on why I keep pushing you away, Rena."

"You should've told me instead of making me guess everything," she said in between her soft sniffles.

"Goddamnit Rena! For the last time, just—" instead of continuing I just take a deep breath before wrapping the call. We're just falling into a loop at this point.

"You know what? I'm done. Resolve this issue on your own. You're a grown woman. You said you've changed? Prove it. I don't want to go over this damn repetitive argument. Goodbye."

With those words, I slam the handset back to its phone body, watching the lamp shake from the forceful impact.

My chest is heaving as if I ran a marathon, "You did great... What you did was right, don't call her again" I remind myself.

May naramdaman ako dumikit sa paa ko at nakita si Dino, "Come here" I called her, out of breath while sitting down on the floor and holding her against my chest, "Your my only escape," sabi ko habang hinahagod likod niya at nag-iwan ng halik sa itaas ng ulo niya.

[ An unpleasant dream I regret wishing not to wake up from ]

On the other hand, it's a needed closure I might have been longing for. The heavy feeling from my chest is long gone after telling her my thoughts.

Even though what I did was right in my end, it still left a bad aftertaste in my mouth.

I'm hoping that she won't make any more impulsive decisions and just sleep her drunkness away.

Hoping that she would forget everything the next morning.

But still a part of me is silently hoping that she remembers and owes up her mistakes.