All's Fair in Love and HoCo (ONC 2022)

Chapter Three: Barfmageddon

I ran my tongue over my teeth to rid them of the taco debris, but a piece of lettuce wouldn't budge. Riley gawked at me like I was from another planet. I just wanted to be beamed to another planet long enough to find a floss pick and brush my teeth. After a couple more fruitless (er...vegetableless) attempts, I gave up and forced a closed-lipped smile onto my face. Riley was next to me after all. Couldn't have him thinking I was some stuck-up snob, and I could celebrate that I hadn't completely embarrassed myself in front of him. Yet.

He returned the smile, but his was mega wattage enough that he could star in a toothpaste commercial. Or any commercial for that matter. My gulp tasted like Fire sauce. Hopefully his lingering cologne would mask my breath.

"Hey," he said as he pushed his belongings to the far corner of the table. He ran his fingers through his dark, curly hair. "Looks like we're going to be dissecting the cat together."

My jaw dropped. "I thought we weren't starting until next week." Otherwise, I wouldn't have eaten lunch. I'd heard the rumors of how badly the cats reeked in comparison to the other animals that were dissected in science classes. My stomach had barely cooperated for fetal pig week in biology Freshman year.

"Oh, yeah. You weren't here yesterday when she announced that since the cats arrived early, we'd be starting them today, right after our test."

This didn't bode well. Thankfully, I'd studied for the test, but curses to my counselor for summoning me to discuss my future on the most inopportune day imaginable.

Mrs. Burke passed out the tests and instructed us to begin. I breezed through it, handing it in a couple minutes after Riley. He was a brain. If he wasn't the class valedictorian, he was close. Rumor had it he'd scored a 1500 on the PSAT. Twice.

When all the tests were finished, Mrs. Burke sliced through the tape covering one of four boxes of equal size that sat atop the long table attached to her desk. She opened the box and lifted a shrink-wrapped cat from it. I shuddered at the appearance. The cat, along with two pairs of gloves, a sheathed scalpel set, a large plastic tray, and a package of disinfectant wipes, were destined for our table.

Although the cat was still wrapped in plastic, memories of the scent of formaldehyde roiled my stomach, and my heart bled for the poor kitty that lay spread-eagle on the desk in front of me. Was it someone's pet? Had it been mistreated? How did the company get it?

As I took in its black fur, I couldn't help but remember my cat Cricket who died when I was six. Mom said he was difficult; Dad referred to him as psycho cat, but Cricket had always been good to me and loved snuggling next to me at night. Was it possible Cricket could've ended up in a Human Anatomy and Physiology classroom, and on my table, ten years later? Surely not, but this cat looked a lot like him.

"Are you okay, Emily?" Riley asked.

He knew my name? I thought for sure he'd call me Barfy like everyone else did.

"I think so. I just wasn't mentally prepared to do this today. It's going to be hard going home to my own cat." I sighed. "She probably won't ever want anything to do with me again."

"So, you have a cat?" His dark eyes didn't stray from mine as he waited for my response. After I nodded, he added, "My mom's allergic to cats, so we've got two dogs. This might very well be the only cat that has never hissed at me."

"We have a dog, too, but I'm more of a cat person." I smiled widely.

Riley gave me a strange look. "Hey, I think you have something in your teeth." Crap. He pointed to the right side of his teeth, in a mirror image of where the lettuce lurked in mine.

"I was saving it for later," I muttered, then covered my mouth as I removed the lettuce. Riley watched me with seeming fascination. Could this be any more embarrassing? "Thanks for that."

At the sound of Mrs. Burke clearing her throat, everyone's attention propelled to the front of the classroom. Her glasses were halfway down her Roman nose, and she had donned a white lab coat. "We don't have very much time, but today, you're going to carefully remove the cat from the bag. You'll need to identify whether the cat is male or female and take notes on the cat's physical appearance." She held up a zip-tie tag. "You'll also need to use a Sharpie to write your names on a tag and then tie it around the cat's back right paw. In about five minutes, I'll instruct you on how to open the cat, so please work quickly."

Riley reached for a marker and scribbled our names on the tag. I swooned at the chicken-scratched "Emily + Riley." The only way it could be better was with a heart around it. But that was never going to happen, not when I would be leaving in a few more months.

"So, do you want to let the cat out of the bag," he asked, laughing at his own joke, "or should I?"

What was the likelihood that if I complied, he would volunteer to open the cat? Probably a lot more. Without hesitation, I grabbed the scissors and carefully cut along the top of plastic. The bag plumped up. Unfortunately, I inhaled a breath of formaldehyde-infused air. I stifled a heave, but it didn't matter. The tacos worked their way up, and before I realized what was happening, my vomit was on the floor, with some of it splattering onto Riley's shoes and jeans.

Oh, no.

I started to heave again, but I wasn't sure if it was the fumes or mortification that was getting the better of me. Mrs. Burke rounded the tables faster than I thought possible for a woman in her fifties and shoved a metal trashcan in front of me. She then handed me a pass. "Don't worry. It happens every year without fail. Do you need someone to help you get to the nurse's office?"

I shook my head. Right now, I just needed to get out of this room and away from Riley. He was probably going to hate me for the rest of my time here. I might not have been Barfy to him at the start of class, but there was no doubt I was now. I'd earned my nickname and would wear it forever.

My stomach rumbled again, and I scrambled outside the classroom and stopped by the bathroom. Maybe this would provide the perfect excuse not to interview the football team today. There was no way I could face Riley again today. I wondered if I could call the President and ask that we be moved tonight? Er...it probably didn't work like that.

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