Into the Shadows - ACOTAR / ACOMAF - Azriel x OC

Chapter XVIII - Ugly Truths

— Lexa —

Azriel collapsed on top of my body holding me as our chests merged and became one.

Silence fell around us, interrupted only by our panting, desperate breaths, as dawn beckoned through the window.

Once we had caught our breath, he rolled to his side and pulled me into his embrace. Figs and salty air wrapped around me as his wings cocooned us in warmth, shielding us from the bright light now flooding into the room.

I nuzzled into his chest and when I peered at him, his smile was so brilliantly beautiful with tear-stained cheeks, my heart swelled further.

"Are you well?" He asked me softly, kissing my temples as he gently stroked my body.

"Everything is perfect," I breathlessly whispered. Recalling how I had felt when I said something similar earlier in the night.

"You are perfect" he repeated. His shadows lay lazily on his shoulders, but a few wondered towards me, and like his wings, they fuelled the warm glow in my chest.

After a few deep breaths, I asked "how?" Not knowing what exactly I was asking but hoping he would know anyways, surely sex couldn't be like this for everyone.

"Have you heard of the mating bond?" He asked softly.

I shook my head against him and breathed in his scent, it was mingled with mine and I couldn't help but think of a luscious forest and smoky embers. I reached my hand out and stroked his wing absent-mindedly.

He shuddered From my touch and kissed the top of my head before speaking. "It's a very rare and special bond, it can appear like a link between two minds..." he paused and I felt the weight of his words. I swallowed but he continued. "It's very primal. And it speaks to complete equality, being the same and worthy of one another."

"I... I don't understand. We're... not-" I stuttered and just stopped talking. I felt my body still as my hand stopped stroking his wing.

"I realised in the woods. When you shared your past with me and we kissed." He had shifted onto his side to look at me intently.

"You've known since then?" I asked, concern flaring up in my body, even though that was only 3 days ago. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I... the mating bond is very delicate." He swallowed before continuing. "When I realised that you were my mate, everything made sense."

"What made sense?" I asked.

"All of it, my feelings for you, the passion, the desire, the primal need to protect you, to serve next to you. It was all because of the bond."

"Because of the bond?" I questioned. Did that mean none of this mattered?

"No, Lexa - it isn't like that-"

"I'm not... you didn't choose me." I finally said as it all dawned on me.

I still had no choice in my life. No say. No autonomy.

"Lex, it is Fate," he said slowly, deliberately. "You were made for me like I was made for you. Everything we've been through in our pasts, everything we bring into each other's lives, it's fate."

"Is that meant to make me feel better?" I asked breathlessly as I shifted away from him. The room suddenly felt too small and my blood too hot.

The warm glow was being stuffed below my layer of flames and dread.

"Lexa. It is something beautiful" he explained but I was already spiralling.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" I demanded.