sold to phoebe bridgers

dinner with the loudest woman this town has ever seen

"what are you making for dinner?" you asked phoebe as she parked in front of what appeared to be a haunted apartment complex. "and where are we?" 

"obviously it's a haunted apartment with a picket fence so i can float around and ghost my friends," she said. 

"oh mb," you said as you pulled your bags out of the trunk of her sedan. "no but actually what's for dinner my mom stopped feeding me since apparently groceries were out of the budget." 

"idk yet" phoebe said as you rode in the elevator up to her apartment. "taylor is bringing a bottle of her husband's wine i think."

when phoebe unlocked the apartment you were shocked. it was only one room?????? what the f. you expected better. 

"you can dump your stuff in the closet," phoebe said, "and drift off on the floor." you noticed a pile of blankets in the corner just for you. how sweet. 

you opened the closet and screamed. there were multiple skeletons piled up in there.

"are these real," you asked pointing to the bones. 

"maybe. i do have a chemical cut yk?" 

"what the motherfuck does a haircut have to do with bodies in your closet." 

"FIRST OF ALL this is not a haircut this is just damage and second of all did you even listen to punisher?"

"what the motherfuck does your music have to do with bodies in your closet." 

"fake fan. i'm going to return you," phoebe said shaking her head and opening the fridge. 

you sat on your pile of blankets and looked up the lyrics to punisher. ohhh now you understood. copycat killer, wow that makes so much sense! but who was she copying????????

"hey phoebe wdym by copycat-" the doorbell rang and cut you off. phoebe opened the door and the queen the girlboss taylor swift was standing in the doorway with a bottle of wine! wow! 

"i'll take your coat," you said like a true punisher. you tried to hang up in the closet without taylor noticing the skeletons but she saw. uh oh! 

"oh phoebe you did something bad," taylor said. "good thing i drove here in a getaway car!" 

"don't worry about it. fuck the cops am i right?" 

taylor and phoebe hugged and started reciting some kind of incantation/handshake/ouija board ritual. "hay is for horses and chickens and fish hit me three times and i'll grant you your wish three two one barackackackackackacka barack obama pssssssh" 

YOOOOO you might have to learn that🔥

phoebe unfolded a folding table propped up against the wall and covered it with a tablecloth. she dimmed the light and laid out an impressive meal of burnt toast, yogurt, and a high tea spread. taylor poured the wine and you gathered around the table. 

"wait so introduce me to your new roommate," taylor said. 

"yas okay this is y/n i bought her off of craigslist," phoebe explained. 

"omg like harry styles! i dated him once." 

"so true," phoebe said holding up her wine glass. you figured you were supposed to cheers her so you did. 

"girl what are you doing i'm literally just trying to drink this," phoebe said raising an eyebrow. 

"oh mb," you said. whatever you felt like a melissa kinnie anyway. 

:(