Letters To Liam (Liam Payne)

Second Letter: A New Couple

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Bel, xx

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Second Letter: A New Couple

Dearest Liam,

Can you believe it? Niall and Alex got together! I always new he was crazy about her. Alex was always so sure he had got over her, that he didn’t feel the same way. She always saw it doomed –she still kinds of see it like that, but that’s another story–, but I always told her she couldn’t think like that.

You know, I love her. She’s always so strong and tough, it’s like nothing can bring her down, but if you had seen her… it was awful. She seemed so broken, believing that Niall didn’t like her back when every day she liked him more and more. I never saw her like that and I was really worried. So that’s why I’m so happy for her now, finally with the guy she loves.

I’m pretty sure Niall will make her happy. He won’t break her heart like all those idiots she dated before. He is a nice lad, and I can see in his eyes how much he cares about Alex. Plus, they are really adorable together, don’t you think? They look really happy.

But… –Why is there always a but?– I can’t help feeling jealous. Not because she is with Niall now, of course not! It’s just that… things worked out for her. The things I would love happen to me, but that will never occur. It’s not mean to be, I know that.

I see them together, even though I know Alex tries to not make it too obvious, you know, keeping the PDA low and everything, but still. I know they are together, that he likes her the way she likes him, that he is not with another girl… like you are. For her, the fairy tale can happen whilst for me it’s really doomed. I know you love Danielle and I accepted that us will never happen. That doesn’t keep it from hurting me.

And you’re not helping, really. I know I should try to forget about you, but I can’t when you keep treating me so right, when you’re so nice and sweet. When you smile in that adorable way that makes even your eyes sparkle. Every time you look at me like that, every time you give me one of those smiles, I feel like I fall deeper for you.

Sometimes I wish I could shut my feelings as easily as I turn off the light. Everything would be easier, not just for me but for my friend as well. I know Alex is worried, I see it when she looks at me. I know she pities me because I can’t have what she has and she wants to do something about it, but there’s nothing anyone can do.

I don’t want to feel like a bad person, Liam. I’m really happy for Alex and Niall, I am, but I envy my best friend so much. I know it’s not her fault, it’s no one’s fault, but still. She’s not miserable anymore, she’s all smiles and giggles while I still cry silently at night hugging my pillow, whilst I still feel like someone is stabbing me when you –or anyone else– mention Danielle.

Am I a bad friend for feeling like this? It’s not like I want her to be sad, of course not! Never that. It hurt me seeing her like that before. It just that I wouldn’t like to see her that happy in front of me because it only reminds me of what I can’t have.

God, I’m a terrible person.

I’m so sorry. I really wanted this letter to be happy, just to show you that, no matter my feelings for you and how hard it is, I’m enjoying this tour with you all and I’m happy for my friends, but I can’t help being gloomy and negative. I’m really sorry.

Well, there are more days to come. More cities to visit –though I really loved Cardiff– and more moments to live. Maybe it’s hard to see Niall and Alex together because it’s too new, maybe in a few days I’ll grow used to it and everything will be fine. It won’t hurt anymore.

Maybe I’ll get to forget about you. Though it doesn’t seem really possible at the moment.

I really hope things will be fine. I have faith everything will work out and this constant pain in my chest will fade away. I’m sure that I won’t shed more tears at night when I think of how much I would like for you to look me the way Niall looks at Alex. I don’t know how long that will take, but it will come.

Please, let that moment come.

I better say goodbye before I start crying like in the previous letter. I don’t want to be depressing. Plus, we’re in the tour bus again, I don’t want any of you wake up and hear me crying. That would be hard to explain, right?

I’ll write you soon, Liam.

Truly yours, Phoebe