I'm sorry

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Five years ago today the barricades fell. Today is June 6th 1837.

Ever since I've been having dreams. When I dream them, I'm in heaven, and Eponine is there. I discovered after she died that she had an unrequited love for me. I was too blind to see it and chose cossete - a girl I barely even knew over her. Eponine, the girl who had made my days before the revolution so happy without my even knowing so.

I would argue with cossete nearly every day about something now. How ungrateful I was to her precious papa before he died because I didn't know he was the one who had saved him. I mean how could I? I was unconscious for goodness sake!
Or how if she didn't see me across the street I could've lead a happy life with Eponine.

She ran off crying at that point and I slammed out of the house into the streets.

After a few minutes I regretted my words. I didn't truly mean them.

Little did I know it was too late to say "I'm sorry... "

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Confused, I stormed out into the street bumping into person after person . Profanities were exclaimed towards me but I shrugged them off and kept marching on.

Before I knew it, I was in the slums of saint Micheal. Eponine's former home. The place she grew up in, the place she was no more. I stared at the shack that she used to live in, where she would be beaten by her father , often for the smallest mistake.

Thenardier died two years ago. Good riddance. His foul schemes made him the most feared man in Paris but to me he was scum fresh from the pits of hell. My blood boiled as I recalled being so blind to all of Eponine's cuts and bruises, believing her frail lies that she had fallen over.

I hadn't noticed then that I was standing stock still in the middle of the road.

I hadn't noticed the carriage rushing towards me until I heard the screams of women and the cries of children as they stood over a crushed body.

What I did realise was that I no longer felt my body. It was as if I had been separated from it in the collision. I turned my head, but the person on the ground didn't. The person on the ground looked similar to me, wearing the same clothes and his hair styled in the same way as mine. It was then I knew that I was dead.

I closed my eyes and walked into the light that beckoned me.

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