The only exception

chapter 3

Twenty minutes later I pull up to the building. The building number is 1567 its small and looks to be one story. There's not many cars parked in the lot so hopefully that means there's not a lot of people that show up.

I still have five minutes before I have to be in there. I prepare myself taking a few deep breathes. The last thing I wanna do is talk about myself specifically about privates stuff with random people. This is supposed to be healing ? Fuck no it doesn't heal anything it makes it worse. No one will understand my life why should I try to make them. I hate talking about my feelings. I tried therapy once I only went to three sessions and stopped.

When I walk in there's a desk on the left side and a sitting area on my right. There's handouts on the wall for places to seek help privately. There's a big sign that says We love All Your Safe here Speak Your Mind what the fuck? Other than that there's not many decorations it's pretty boring. Aren't they supposed to be welcoming ? This is the opposite.

"Can I help you miss are you here for the 5 o'clock group" I nod at her statement . She has a bitchy attitude and chews her gum obnoxiously.

"You can follow me" she stands up leading the way. I follow her slowly down the hallway full of doors. I wonder what is behind all those doors. She takes a left revealing a big room. There's chairs that are set in a large circle. In the back of the room
is a long table covered with muffins ,cookies, brownies, and a jug of water and hot chocolate.

Theres lots of windows on the right side of the wall. Rain drops cover the glass it started raining just as I expected. The room lacks a fan so it's stuffy and I already wanna peal off my layers. My body is hot my hands are clammy I don't wanna be here.Eyes so many eyes are staring at me judging me. Blue eyes brown eyes green eyes staring at me. I need fresh air I need to go I think I mumble I'll be right back im not sure. I need to get out of here. I take off my jackets and beanie as I speed walk out the door. The rain feels cold and fresh on my face. I feel better so much better.

I can breathe it's like a weight has lifted off of me. I set my clothes in my car and fix my matted hair from the beanie. I push my bangs to each side and take a sip of water. I have to do this I have to walk back in and face everyone again. So embarrassing. So humiliating. Im such a coward.

My second time walking in the front desk lady gives me a pity look. Bitch I think to myself as I give her a fake smile. I flip her off as I walk past her desk. I look at the ground and count my steps to ease my mind.

one .

two.

three.

four..... my steps quicken

five

six.

seven.. eight..nine..ten..eleven.. twelve.. thirt-

As I turn the corner I bump into something hard and tall. "Ah what the Fuck!" who just stands in the middle of the hallway right where people are going to be passing through. So annoying so fucking annoying.

No fucking way.

Not this jackass again. His eyes widen a bit but he quickly catches himself and his face turns into a scowl. He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off "Can you not stand in the middle of the hallway watch out next time idiot." I push past him not giving him a chance to talk. What's with him and running into things and then getting pissed. He has serious issues. I don't even know him and he makes my blood boil.

When I walk in the leader guy whatever he is gets up immediately and walks over to me. "Hey I'm glad your back welcome! Come take a seat we'll start in a few minutes." I grab a seat where no one else is sitting and put my purse on my lap. I can hear my heart beating pounding in my ear. I chew on my lip until I taste the familiar metallic flavor in my mouth.

No one smiles everyone is quiet everyone has sad eyes. A part of me wonders why everyone is here what's there story but I honestly don't care I don't wanna be here. The familiar guy walks in and takes a seat across from me. He stares at me with a stone cold hard face and I stare back. He has a scar through his eyebrow I notice now. He's too tall for his chair. He's taller than I realized. He has tattoos that cover his abnormally large hand. His eyes are very captivating I cant stop looking.

The older man walks back in with a clipboard and hands it to this girl "Ok it seems everyone is here a clipboard will be getting passed around please check in just write your name and the date on the lines."

Every one in the circle passes around the clipboard after scribbling down there names. I write mine quickly since I'm the last person and hand it back to the guy I still don't know his name. He smiles as I give him the clipboard I don't return a smile.

"Ok perfect hello everyone I'm James some
of you know me some of you don't. I'm glad everyone can make it. There's snacks over there you can help yourself too. Bathroom is on the left when you walk out the door. I think that's it so let's get started. So first everyone go around and state their name don't be shy." James gestures to everyone to start as he sits down at the head of the circle.

A girl with short hair starts " I'm Amy" then it goes counter clockwise after that. " I'm Julie, I'm Seth, I'm Devin , I'm Lucy." Then the boy is next I stare at him waiting to hear his name.

"I'm Will" he holds eye contact with me, his voice is deep and smooth. He plays with his lip piercing using his tongue while his eyes are now fixated to the ground. I'm so zoned out that I haven't even realized it's my turn. James looks at me with a smile. " Uh I'm Juliet" I pick at my cuticles keeping my mind off of everyone stares. When I look up he's looking at me no emotion etched on his face.

"Now that everyone introduced themselves let's get to know each other a little bit better so we can feel comfortable and safe. No pressure if you don't wanna talk let's try to break the ice. I know it's hard but this will help. I'll go first and tell a little about myself. Ive been a therapist for about 15 years I bounced from different areas mostly I've worked with kids of all ages. I have a beautiful wife and two daughters and a son.

When I was little my dad was abusive to me and my mom I got into drugs when I was about 19 or so I was very deep into depression. I know what it's like to feel hopeless. I thought there was no way out until I met my wife a few years later and I saw life differently. If anyone wants to share anything it doesn't have to be deep it can be something as little as what you ate today." He gives that same warm smile waiting for someone to go. It's dead silent. No one moves we all are looking at each other pleading for someone to go so we don't get chosen.

The first girl Amy starts to speak up " I'm 19 my mom took her life 6 months ago." I can tell no one knows what to do or say. " Thank you for sharing Amy that was very brave of you I'm sorry to hear about your mother" James says his forehead creasing a little and his mouth frowning. A few people mumble sorry and Amy just nods and says thank you.

"Anyone else feeling brave I encourage you to speak up it feels better to get things off your chest."

Does it feel better though? Sometimes saying what you feel does more harm than good.

The dark skinned girl goes next I think her name is Devin " This is my 3rd session and I think it's really helping I'm feeling very optimistic." Her eyes are full of hope and I wonder when she'll come back down to reality. No one gets better ever. Once you taste what happiness feels like something has happens and rips away that happiness. Happiness is too good to be true it's a lie.

"I'm very happy you feel that way I enjoyed these sessions together Devin hopefully we can make more progress. How does everyone feel about being here any thoughts please share."

My leg is bouncing up and down. I stare at the clock it's been 30 minutes I have to endure 30 more minutes of this. Time is going so slow too slow.

" Juliet how about you share how you feel." Are you shitting me.

" I'd rather not" he gives me an awkward smile and moves on to pick on someone else. Lucy talks next she talks for what seems forever but I don't care because now there's 5 minutes left and I want to leave. I tuned out everything she said I heard snippets hear and there. She said something about being depressed and trying to take her life. I'm not sure but when he says sessions I basically jump up and run out of the room. 60 minutes 3600 seconds too much.

The rain has stopped leaving a rainbow in the sky.