Rogue Wars Online

T

He gave a long sigh. "Come on now, Theo. It's not the right time for you to behave like this. Kailangan ka doon."

Wala akong nagawa kung hindi sumunod. Pinanood kong pumasok ang mga bisita ni Papa sa 'family dinner' dapat namin. We sat in one table like a big happy family, my parents dutifully checking on their sons with the cameras flashing. I quietly stopped chewing, letting my utensils fight with each other.

I grew up in a big family. Since I was a child, I'm always surrounded by people. But I still feel so lonely.

Kahit na may ngiti sa mukha ng mga kapatid at magulang ko, alam kong hindi kami talagang masaya sa mesang 'to. Alam kong hindi talaga kami kompleto.

My heart feels so empty everytime I go in and out of this shell of a house. Wala nang ikakalaglag ang puso ko kapag nadi-disappoint ako sa pamilya ko. I just... spend my time sleeping or playing the numbness away. It takes my mind off things. It makes me feel at peace.

But such peace doesn't last for long.

"Theodore, wala ka na ba talagang awa sa'min? Sa mga kapatid mo? We're doing our best to become one of the best families and yet you're here, always lounging and spending our money on stupid things?!"

Itinapon ni Papa ang dyaryo na may litrato naming lima. My image there was currently being highlighted with a large bright 'X' all over my face. Napangiwi ako dahil ang pangit ng pag-edit, tapos ang pangit ba ng ginawa nilang font sa headline. It reported how I brought the newest game despite our family's declared disapproval on it. Hindi daw ako seryosong bata. I mean... hindi naman talaga.

"Iyong mga kapatid mo may nararating sa buhay, Theodore, tapos ikaw ano?" dagdag na sigaw niya. Mama remained quiet behind him, fixing me a glare, while my brothers avoided my eyes. "Wala ka nang ibang ginawa kung hindi maglaro! Matulog! Kumain! Wala ka nang ginagawang mabuti dito sa pamilya natin! Hindi ka na nga tumutulong sa business natin, halos maiiisip pa sa kamay ang pag-attend mo ng klase!"

"I have 95s and above sa grade, Papa..."

"That's fucking average!" he exploded. "You should take the highest honors! You shouod compete against that Wes and Kairo in your school! Even the daughter of the Sorianos, that Eunice Yra, is rumored to be the class valedictorian! Tapos ikaw? Ano? Hanggang sa 97 lang?!"

97 lang? Ano ba ang gusto niyang grade? Plus 10 niyan?

"What do you want me to do, Papa? If I try to say I want to help Kuya Thomas, ayaw mo kasi idi-distract ko lang siya. Kasi tamad ako at baka malugi 'yang kompanya niyo. Mama told me to focus on my studies so I didㅡ"

"Ha! Focus on your studies, e hindi nga perfect ang attendance mo?!"

"Pasado naman, Papa, kaya walang problemaㅡ"

One of the things that I didn't see coming was his fist on my face. Nahulog ako sa sahig na hawak-hawak ang mukha at nanlalaki ang mata. My chest heaved as I took deep breaths, and altogether ignored how surprise and guilt never arrived on my family's faces.

"Pasado?! Putanginang 'yan, walang makukuha ang pasado mo kung hindi ka makikilala sa eskwelahang 'yan, Theodore! You need to lift the name of our family, the Hildes, up! You are not doing enoughㅡ"

"Enough?!" tumayo ako at humalakhak. "Papa, wala namang enough sa'yo! Walang good enough sa'yo! Kahit na gumapang ako papunta sa mansyon ng Salvallon ngayon, hindi ka sasaya! I'm sorry, Mama, Papa, but I love myself enough to care for it. Ano gusto niyo? Maging kagaya ako ni Kuya Terrence na dinadaan sa alcohol ang problema? Maging kagaya ni Kuya Travis na halos wala ng tulog? Mga successful na magulang ang laging tawag sa inyo tapos kayo pa mismo ang pumapatay sa anak niyoㅡ"