Painful Schatzi

Prologue

"If you could travel back in time to give your younger self a piece of advice, what would you tell her?" my heartbeat stopped as the host throw me a question I didn't expect. But still, I manage to smile and answer.

"If I could go back in time, I'd probably just run and give her the tightest hug I could give to anyone. I will sit beside her as she cries – I will not wipe her tears. I will just let her bawl her eyes out, because it's ok to cry when you are sad." I look at the crowd thinking about my past.

"If I could go back, I will not utter anything. I will just smile at her. Because, sometimes there are no right words to say. If I could go back to my younger self, I will hold her hand tight... Tight enough not to lose her amidst the crowd. I will take her to that Ice cream parlor where she first tasted soft served vanilla ice cream. We will go to arcades and theme parks, for God knows how much she loves it. Jumping high when hitting the jackpots, screaming during extreme rides. Laughing hard at how she missed that bear in the claw machine. I will capture her moments and preserve them in a photograph, as a reminder that she was once happy." I smile again but surely, it didn't reach my eyes.

"We will go out, climb mountains and greet the sun as it rises from the horizon. For I know she will only watch sunsets in the future. I will teach her how to swim, so she didn't have to drown first before she could learn on her own. I will be at the front of the stage clapping, with the proud look in my face as she received her medals. I will always be proud of her. When the night crawls, I will tuck her to bed and hum her lullabies or favorite songs. I will stay and watch her sleep peacefully - I want to see how I look, for she will have sleepless nights for the coming years." I thought I was healed not until today. The memories I once buried years ago came back to life to hunt me again. I know I was close to crying, so I stood properly before I smiled and continue my speech.

"And when the time is up and I have to go, I will wait for her to wake up. Still without uttering a single word about what she should and what she shouldn't do. I will hand her the pictures we had taken. Hug her and hold her hand tight. I will not bid her goodbye -- for I will not leave. I will never let go. She will always have me. She will understand what my silence means, because I am her." I heard the applause coming from the crowds as my speech ended.

"That speech was heart melting Ms. Cinco." The host said while smiling.

"Ang taray ng bakla, Hindi naman sa Miss Universe nag guest pero masyadong ginalingan sa pag sagot HAHHAHA" Jonny said while laughing. He's my make up artist for 3 years.

"That was unexpected question!" I said. He just laughed and rolled his eyes. I sit down to my own chair and close my eyes. This day was tiring, I wish I was home so that I can rest.

I repeatedly cursed when I heard the noise coming from the outside. I groaned. "Jonny! I want to rest! Get them lost!" I annoyingly said.

"A-Ah ma'am, sa kotse nalang po siguro kayo mag pahinga. Papasok daw po kasi dito and isa pang importanteng guest nila eh." Jonny nervously said.

"who?" I asked. My God!

"Di ko pa po alam ang pangalan pero balita ko raw po ay engineer ito" jonny replied. I close my eyes again. Bahala na kung pumasok ang guest nila, wala naman akong pakealam.

Ramdam kong may pumasok dahil biglang tumahimik si Jonny. Siguro ay pumasok na yong isa pa nilang guest. Naramdaman kong may nakatitig sakin pero ipinawalang bahala ko yon dahil baka si jonny lang iyon.

"Ma'am Twaey.. Gising na po" jonny softly said. I slowly open my eyes and saw jonny staring. "I'm up! Go away." I said.

" Naku ma'am ang pogi nong guest, grabe." I rolled my eyes in jonny's statement. "So what?" Natawa lang si jonny. "Bitter na Bitter. Dami mo namang manliligaw pero ang pait mo." He said. I remain quite. Bahala siya sa buhay niya. I fix my things para makaalis na, I will not wait for the event to end.. I'm so tired. I attended four events this day.

Palabas na ako ng narinig kong magsalita ang host. I don't really care kasi tapos na ang trabaho ko.

"And now, let us all welcome the last important guest for tonight's event. He is now a successful Engineer. He tops the board exam and the youngest Engineer who has a lot of projects done here in manila. Wow, our guests are so amazing." Ms. Gray, the host, said. Bakas sa tono nito ang paghanga at saya.

"Jonny let's go." Tawag ko sa baklang aliw na aliw sa pinapanood sa labas.

"Yes, ma'am!" he shouted. Paglabas ko ng room ay likod ito ng stage kaya hindi rin naman nila mapapansin if ever na umalis ako. itetext ko nalang ang event organizer na umuwi na ako. malapit na ako sa exit when then I hear the host once again. She introduced the guest. I stunned upon hearing the name of the guest.

"This man standing beside me is no other than Mr. Szachie Benzene Flarino, please give him a round of applause!" The host said with so much excitement.

I was so shocked when I heard his name but I manage to pull up myself. I am not the Twaeynielle they knew 8 years ago. I am not that Happy virus girl anymore.

I've Change. No, they made me change. He... made me change.

I am now a famous model and a lawyer. And He's Professional Engineer. We planned it together but we chased and reached our dreams individually.

After eight long years I heard his name again. Pero pangalan palang... nakakasakit na. pano pa kaya pag hinarap ko ulit siya?

I fight my tears not to fall, dahil ang mga katulad niya ay hindi dapat iniiyakan. But who am I fooling? Upon hearing his name, my heart started to beat like it knew that its owner was so close.

After eight fucking years my heart chooses him again.