Falling For Haneef

18.

" I know. I understand, but I can't imagine a life without you. Day by day, I wake up knowing I have a reason to go on, I wake up knowing that I have a reason to hustle, to stay healthy, to stay strong. That reason is you, what would I have when you're gone?" He says and my heart drops. What would he honestly have when I'm gone?. " It's not as if you'll be going to build your own family with Haneef or something, it's you leaving the world completely, not to ever return. How can I honestly cope with that?" He adds and I squeeze the tears brimming up in my eyes and wipe them.

" Daddy we'll be fine, In Sha Allah" I manage to say.

" Definitely. For now, Isah is going to be preparing your transfer papers abroad, you'll be leaving in two days In Sha Allah" I still have to plan Haneef's birthday. " Can't we extend it?, Haneef's birthday is coming up next week and I wanted to do someone for him"
" Do it tomorrow. Give him an early gift and tell him the reason why you're doing so"

" it's not something I can do in a blink of an eye"

" what is it that you want to do for him?"

" A family gathering, he has never celebrated his birthday with his family before and he would love that. So I wanted to give that to him and to also agree to his marriage proposal"
" You must be kidding me" Dad says, literally scoffing. " You're bent on leaving me alone no matter the way right?"

" Haba Daddy, I just thought that there was no reason to keep waiting when we're both ready.."

" and who told you you're ready for a life time commitment with Haneef?"

" I'm sure I am"

" Zakiyah, the love you have for Haneef needs to be groomed more before you decide to spend the rest of your life with him. I know you, you're trying to channel the love you have for Saleem to Haneef. You're falling for Haneef with the disguise of it being Saleem" He says and literally resets my mind. " But I'm going to let you do what you feel is best for you, I'm only here to guide and help you. Believe me i won't force anything on you, just take your time and think about your feelings first"

" You're indeed right daddy, but I can only picture myself trying to work my feelings for Haneef out and no one else"

" You never know who you'll meet in the long run" he says and leaves me to ponder on my thoughts.

You're falling for haneef with the disguise of it being Saleem.
That's the truth of my life right now.
But I'd prefer it to anything else.
Marriage is definitely going to be tough, we'll have our bad days but the fact that we're in to stay together, grow together, learn together and help each other is enough to keep us going. There's never an appropriate age for marriage, one is never fully ready for marriage, when it comes, you pray and tackle it's horns towards beautiful results. Once you have someone that possesses everything you can live with and adapt to, you just go for it and hope and pray for the best. With or without enough means, Allah will definitely make it easy when you have true and pure intentions.
So yeah, I'm going for it.

I would need to explain myself to Tayibah and Haneef's mother on the sudden need to gather everyone for Haneef, even though it pains me dearly to not have Juwairiyah by my side at this moment. I Don't even know how to break the news to Tay Tay honestly, I'm going to be putting her in a very difficult situation. But she's going to have to find out from me, and the earlier the better.
I can just cancel this and leave it till his next birthday, that's going to be much easier for me right now.

My body trembles as I dial up Tay Tay, I dropped her off at her place before heading home to wait for Daddy. " How far?" She has been crying. Subhanallah, how can I possibly break this to her?. " It still hurts a lot yeah?" I ask. " Sure now, how can it not?"