How to Date a Nerd

Chapter 34 - How to Survive the Aftermath of a Second Breakup

That was when I decided to stop drinking. I was just lost. Someday, I’d find my way back. Hopefully. Right now, I had to find for myself where I really wanted to go. And after I’d found it, it’d be time to go home. Yes. Home. Where ever that was.

There were still nights, though, when I couldn’t help but miss Sarah. I kept remembering how she smiled, how she tucked her long brown hair behind her ears whenever I reminded her to. Her lips, her eyes.

At times; those times when I thought I was losing my mind, I’d sneak outside the house. I’d lock myself up in one of my new cars—Dad bought me two, believe or not and even that couldn’t cheer me up—and spend the rest of the night in there, thinking how I’d die just to kiss her again.

“Want some smokes?” Chuck offered, putting down the game console to look at me. He must’ve sensed how edgy I was. He reached behind the sofa and drew a pack out of his personal stash, flipping the top off.

I pulled out one, about to light it but changed my mind. It’d been a habit of mine nowadays whenever I got upset. For some reason, I’d never gotten halfway through a stick. Dunno. Force of habit, maybe. Sarah hated smoking with a passion. I could remember her enumerating twenty of more than two hundred chemicals in cigarettes. She even said the some of the ingredients were the same ones used to make toilet bowl cleaners. Neat.

Wincing, I put the cigarette down. “Maybe later,” I told Chuck.

“I dunno how you could take in that stuff,” Ricky snatched the controllers from the coffee table and resumed the paused game. “It tastes like B.S. dipped in menthol.”

“Wimp,” Chuck chided, grabbing back the console from Ricky’s hands.

“Trying to practice here,” Reed whined, momentarily turning his attention to us before fiddling with the strings of his guitar again. He was so silent rehearsing his lead solos and intros that I almost didn’t notice him in the room. He was that serious these days.

Rolling his eyes, Chuck glared at Reed. “Who are you and what’ve you done to my brother?”

I tried to tune them out. Blankly, I stared at the letter; at Sarah’s letter. None of it registered in my head. I read it again and again until I could make out what it said.

Dear Leon,

I heard you’ll be having a concert tour with your band. That’s great! Becky’s really excited. You better give it your best because I’ll be watching. Even if you don’t see me there, I’ll see you. And you’ll definitely hear from me if you don’t sing it perfectly. I have that much faith in your musical skills.

I just started to really learn how to use the camera settings to my advantage. Maybe someday, I’ll send you some pictures I took. They’re not that good yet, but I’ll keep trying. You’re not the only one who’s working hard, you know.

Good news. I’m not going to Yale anymore. And no. I can’t tell you what I’ll be doing instead. It’s a surprise! So don’t ask. Seriously. Don’t.

Guess what? Jer just learned to say your name. He kept saying, “Len! Len!” and at first, I didn’t know what that meant. Then I had a dream. Honestly, I’m not really sure if it was a dream. But you were there and your Dad too, and we were having dinner at my house. Then your Dad called you Len and I was laughing. Or trying not to laugh.

Mom said it really happened before. Maybe I was just starting to really remember things. It feels good not having to read my life from an old composition notebook for a change. I hope your smiling now as I am.

That’s it for now,

Sarah

I thought of something to say to her when I reply.  My mind just stopped working all of a sudden. Would I really dare tell her what was up with me? Could I ruin her happiness? No. It’d be better that she didn’t know how miserable I was. Knowing that at least one of us was happy was enough for me.