SURVIVING SOLDIER | L. ACKERMANN

FIFTY-FIVE

I watched a squirrel bounce along the forest floor, his nose twitching as he searched for the large nuts that fell off these trees during late spring. I had been standing still for so long that he hadn't noticed me a few meters away, but he immediately dashed away when he heard the quiet rustling of bushes behind us.

Levi didn't say anything, choosing to stand at my left side silently instead. I glanced at him quickly and noticed the crease between his eyebrows that he donned when he was thinking hard. He kept his eyes on the forest.

We had spent all day unpacking and setting up camp, so there hadn't been much time. One look at the supplies told me we would be out here for a while, but Levi had yet to fill me in on the military's plan. My worry is that they didn't have one and we were just supposed to wait here until something forced us to action. Although, Levi hadn't talked to me much in general so far.

I wish he hadn't stood to my left. That's where my scars were.

"Are you. . . disappointed that we're camping?" he asked after a long time.

I shook my head. "Marley is a desert," I explained, "I definitely don't mind staying in nature for a while." I took a deep breath; the aridic smell of the dirt was something unique to the forest of giant trees, but it also was a grave reminder of what happened here. I was having a hard time not thinking about it.

"It's quiet out here," he agreed, looking up into the canopy.

I looked over at him. He looked weary, but that wasn't saying much since he always looked like that now. Ever since I met him, Levi always maintained a youthful look to him, but that agelessness had all but disappeared. There was a tightness in the skin of his face that made him slightly gaunt, further outlining his sharp bone structure. Faint lines were etched all around his eyes, making them look perpetually pinched and tired.

The hopelessness in his features made my chest squeeze painfully. A small seed of doubt had started growing in my heart, and it wasn't the first time I wondered if our relationship was beyond repair. There was just too much going on around us, and we had a duty to focus and keep our people safe. Trying to fix whatever had broken between us required much more than a camping trip where we were both guarding the man that had ruined our lives.

I listened to the faint noises of our team settling in for the night. It was getting dark, but I wasn't ready to go hang out with a bunch of strangers. I knew I would have to get to know them eventually, but right now I wasn't ready to face the loneliness of observing a tightknit team interact with each other from outside that circle.

I clenched my teeth hard thinking about our old squad. Even if Eren was forgiven and he somehow returned to the Scouts, it would never be the same without Sasha. That night had been the final knife to tear us apart forever.

I swallowed hard, focusing on my breathing and the faint wind that reached us this deep in the forest as it rustles through the leaves and chilled my skin.

"What about you?" I asked quietly to fill the space between us.

"A little dirty for my liking," he replied evenly, "but we have plenty of time on our hands to clean."

The joke caught me off guard and a light chuckle escaped my lips. I guess there was at least one part of Levi that hadn't changed.

Levi perked up when he heard the laugh and his head snapped over to look at me. His eyebrows turned up slightly and I saw his shoulders relax a bit. His eyes flit around my face and he opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words came out. He blinked rapidly as he searched for the right words, but I turned back towards the forest when he didn't find them.