very normal (not weird at all) modern TKAM fanfic (very normal)(not weird)

chapter 9: parent and child of opposite gender dance time!!!!!

     Scouts school had an annual father daughter dance (or whatever u wanted it to be lol) and of course she was attending with atty. Atticus picked out a pretty floral dress for her but she turned some of her overalls into an ugly dress and taped a plastic container to her head as a hat. Atticus couldn't complain, he encouraged "creativity" in his children. Unfortunately simpy boy jem had to go bc atticus didnt trust him to be alone at the house. Francis went back home with alexandra (she still hates him) and dill doesnt fricking live there lol.
    They hopped in the iconic minivan and got out at the school. Atticus had scouts leash just in case of emergency. Inside it was very poorly decorated with deflated balloons and unfortunately the school hired some teens to do the decorating and a massive balloon pp was hanging from the wall with a white streamer protruding from the end . The song playing was whip nae nae and it was very romantic.
    "Care to dance with me, scouty?" atticus said while extending his hand.
    "Ok"
    They began to waltz to the lovely song playing. Jem was left alone in the corner. Practically the whole town was there and he was very alone and emo (again). He was standing in the corner like 🧍when Cecil came over in his tux.
    "Hey wheres your date, jemmy? I saw you dancing really good. I can't whipe nae nae like that"
    "She's right here" Jem said, pointing to the open dance floor, "its my mommy"
    "Where? Theres no one there"
    "Because she died 6 years ago to a heart attack lol" Cecil didn't know what to say so he pat Jem on the shoulder and ran back to his mom. Jem was once again depressed in the corner. From afar, he saw the sparkling white dress and beautiful brown hair of Mayella from across the gym. Her hair moved in slow motion and her movements were fluid and beautiful. She danced with an uglie old man, who stood nothing against her. As Jem looked closer, her dress appeared to have been made out of plastic bags. Hot he thought. He liked creative girls.
    Mayella noticed him from across the room and casually flipped him off. And bold, too! Jem thought. What a dream boat. He waved and winked at her and she angrily stormed over to him.
    "What do you want, jeremy???????" She yelled and accidentally spat on him multiple times. Jem licked the saliva off his face and shirt.
    "Hey mayella..." he started. "I see ur not here with your daddy. Mind if I be your 'daddy' for the night... ? ;)"
    "First of all , my dad is over there. He says hes preparing for our first dance"
    "Oh, the father daughter dance?? Cute"
    "NO. The husband wife dance."
    "Oh" jem muttered. He looked at the uglie homeless guy he assumed was just some random dude on the street that paid attention to mayella once and she got attached to like a leech (like scouts leech). On further inspection, it was bobby ewell alright. He eyed his receding hairline and hoped his beautiful mayella wouldn't get one too. "Why does ur dad want to marry you?"
    "He wants to keep his blood in the family. At least that's what he says"
    "Are you sure you don't want some lawyer blood in the family? My dad is a lawyer and I'm gonna be one too...just think about the money, Mayella"
    Mayella was disgusted. "I'm not marrying your 50 year old father, Jeremy."
    "I meant, ME, not my old daddy."

(meanwhile)
    Scout was taking a quick break on the stage stairs with some sketchy fruit punch. She thought it might have some alcohol in it, but she didn't care too much. As she took a sip, she saw a figure out of the corner of her eye. He was standing between the folds in the stage curtain. Scout knew exactly who it was.
    "Hey, Boo" She said. He slithered back into the curtain and Scout followed him behind the stage. Atticus just about lost his marbles when he saw that Scout was missing!!
    "Scouty!!!" he screamed. "Oh, dear." he had never been so panicked. He shoved the DJ at the DJ stand thing to the ground and gave him a concussion, stopped the music (it was playing perfect by ed sheeran) and picked the microphone up. "Sorry to interrupt your, um moment..." he said while unfortunately noticing bob ewell attempting to kiss mayella. "But it appears my daughter is missing. Shes just a wee lass. Pls help" The crowd gasped in unison.
    "I'd vote democrat before i gave a flying crap about that girl!" bob ewell screamed, he was very angry his kiss was interrupted.
    "Ok, well would you get deez before you gave a flying crap about her?"
    "Whats deez"
    "Deez nuts lmaooooooo"
    Bob proceeded to call atticus 50 different slurs."Anyway," atticus resumed. "Pls help me find her. If u find her u get a reward."
    "Whats the reward?" Bob yelled.
    "You get to go to candice."
    "Whats candice?"
    "Candice nuts fit in your mo--" Atticus' mic cut out and he didn't finish what he was gonna say. The power turned off and every light in the gym went dark. Everyone was silent except the childish laugh of a little girl behind the curtain.
    "Scout??" Atticus screamed. He ripped the curtain aside to reveal Scout, who was laying on the ground, extremely drunk from the fruit punch. Atticus got onto his hands and knees and began sobbing. Someone in the crowd loudly sang "Wap" by cardi B, and Atticus was ashamed at what his life had become.
    The person in the crowd was still singing the entire song, "Wap wap wap thats some..." It was Walter Cunningham Jr.
Bobby did not want to hear any more of Atticus' sob story. "Get the show on the road, you wet biscuit! I ain't got time for your drunk daughter, she outta get used to the feeling"
Atticus turned his head painfully slow towards bob. "If you yell one more thing at my Jean, I will knock the living socks outta you, mr. Bobby ewell."
Bob just laughed and said "Yo mamma so stupid, when they said 'order in the court' she asked for fries and a shake!"
"At least my mom didn't produce a deformed, incest, child!" the crowd went "ohhhhh!". Atticus felt very achieved.
"I'm not even a lawyer but at least I can win my court cases!" Bob felt like a king until Atticus socked him in the face. They fought with much bloodshed (not really) for some minutes. Bob had two remaining teeth and when inserted into atticus' very muscular leg, left some serious marks. Halfway through the fight scout awoke from her drunken slumber. She began viciously biting bob's leg until he was shrieking in pain.
"Jerry, go suck his bloood!!!!!" Scout yelled maniacally while throwing her lil leech buddy at his ugly face. Jerry did as he was told.
"Atticus finch your child is deranged!!!!!!" Bob howled as he felt the blood leave his face (literally, from Jerry) and the marks from scouts teeth on his hairy leg.
"BAD scout!" Atticus commanded his daughter."VERY VERY BAD! We DONT bite people, no matter how ugly and horrible they are!!" Scout shed a tear as he forced her into her leash.
"Lemme get jerry first..." she pleaded. Bobby was now unconscious and jerry had done his work. Scout picked him up. "Good boy. Now enjoy some more food:)" She shoved him on her arm.
Suddenly, the lights of the stage began to turn on. A single figure stood in the folds of the curtain. His back was to the crowd, and everyone was whispering about the secret figure. Scout knew who it was.
"Hey boo" she muttered seductively (she was still very drunk). The guy moved stelthily to bob's dead figure. "You can pet him if you want :)" Scout said to Boo. He stroked Bob down the cheek before bringing him in for a kiss. He liked the taste of Bob's whiskey lips. Atticus found this very swoony.
"Aww, so romantic" He wished he had someone to care about him too :( His mind drifted to Calpurnia, the beautiful housewife. Although people often saw him with Maudie, it was mostly a social thing for him. Calpurnia, however, was out of this world. At that very moment, she appeared in the doorway. "Cal!" he yelled romantically. Like in every romance movie, he ran his gay run over to Calpurnia and swooped her up in a kiss.
"Aww, so romantic" Jem whispered. He wished he had someone to care about him too :( His mind drifted to Mayella, the beautiful girl that lived behind the dump. Although people often saw him with Dill, it was mostly a social thing for him. Mayella, however, was out of this world. At that very moment, she appeared in the limelight. "Mayella!" he yelled romantically. Like in every romance movie, he ran his gay run over to Mayella and swooped her up around the waist. She took one look at the simp below her and knocked him unconscious. In his loopy dreams, Jem kissed Mayella.