Willing

1.

"You ready?"

I looked at Oliver's reflection in my mirror. He stood at the door, wearing a black shirt over faded blue jeans. His kind brown eyes meeting my blue ones. When I was a kid, I was so envious of his eyes. They are so alive. Oliver has this air around him which makes you at ease no matter what.

Removing my eyes from him, I stared at my own reflection. There is nothing to compare but it is also so obvious how my eyes look lifeless, dead. Clearly, there are noticeable changes in my body and there are also some unnoticeable changes.

"Yeah." I mummerd. I again checked myself if anything was amiss. Everything is okay.

I look decent for this lunch. A white dress shirt with simple dress pants nothing too fancy.

"You sure know how to dress." His eyes roamed over my attire in approval. I took a step to close my arms around his waist. His body tensed a friction but I ignored it. " Stop, you will ruin this perfectly ironed shirt." He jokingly pushed me way.

How I wish it was jokingly.

Maybe it was a joke. Our whole bond was joke to him.

My fist clenches on its own. This is not the time to have this thoughts. Before Oliver could notice I controlled my emotions.

As we descended down the stairs, my hands couldn't stop shaking. My heart was beating really fast. The thought of going there and eating is just too much for me. I also skipped it last year, I don't think I could do it for every year so I have to suck it up.

"You really don't have to go, Drew. It's okay. I will inform them that you can't make it, you have something important to do." Oliver insisted. He gently takes my hand in his to give it a small squeeze. His eyes are trying to find a simple sign so that he can stop me from going.

My heart feels warm at his concern.

"I am okay. Trust me. It just...," I stopped before considering my words carefully, "I don't want them to think that I don't respect this day or..."

"Even if you don't resp...," He sighed, "It's totally fine to....shit...I don't even have words to explain it. Drew, please stop blaming yourself for whatever happened. Nothing was your fault and I know it, they know it. Everyone knows it." He finished. There is a desperation in his eyes as he looks at me. It is clears that he wants me to believe that

I don't answer. I don't know what to say to ease him. He has been trying to convence me that Jake's death was not my fault. Maybe it was not but in a sense it was.

If only I had been a little careful.

"How is your new house coming out?" I ask instead. He gives me a stern look.

"Everything is under control. I really didn't know that a building a house could be so stressful."

"But you like it. Your own space with Elliot." I finish for him. He

"When will you move in?" We are both standing in kitchen. He grabs a bottle of wine from the upper cabinet.

"You should take this with you. It will taste really good with Maria's cooking." He pushes that bottle in my hand and moves forward towards garage.

I know he is avoiding this topic. He has been ever since Elliot decided to make this very land his home. We never discussed any details about his soon to be home.

Elliot was over the moon when his and Norah's divorce was finalized. He immediately declared that he wanted to be completely bonded with Oliver and

When Elliot used to go for his bussiness for several days, Oliver would be miserable. He would be almost dead, same for Elliot.