left myself at home

chapter twenty six: three's a crowd

"i still can't believe this song is about harry styles." some voice behind me cuts off my claim.

i strive to quietly scoff at the nerve of riley. she constantly pines after the girl that's made it known she's not available, invites herself to hang out with my (past) group at any moment possible, and now cuts me off when i try to speak? and with a dumb remark anyway.

wait, let me rewind. did claire even make it known she's not available? she's told little to no one about any significant other in her life, so i can't help but put some part of the blame on her, as much as i hate to do it.

my silence goes noticed by claire as she's most likely confused why i'm not bouncing out of my seat to our song.

and that just makes her sing the words even louder, now pressing her small hand on my thigh. it almost makes me blush, until i remember our guest. now i'm rather almost embarrassed. i don't like riley, but it's weird to PDA in such a confined space, even if it's only one person.

"fade into view, oh!" claire laughs almost in my face, squeezing a small smirk out of me. god she's good.

"it's been a while since i had even heard from you!"
the driver sings a bit louder this time. by the time the chorus comes, i give in and sing along with her. i instantly forget everything i was mad about, and that phase lasts through the rest of the song. but once it ends, i'm almost more frustrated that i'm so vulnerable to claire blooms.

"hey riley who's hanging with you tonight?" claire asks as she pulls around to find parking.

"hmm? oh uhm i was—" don't tell me she was planning to stick around claire and i.

"i didn't have a set plan, really, um..."

"well you can always stick with us!" sometimes claire's kindness irritates me too much. i turn and give a face of annoyance, but one i know only claire can recognize. she responds with a 'please i feel bad' face, and i decide to suck it up, riley can't actually third wheel all night, right?

i step out of the car. it's colder, as it's nearing the end of november. i clutch my jacket and walk around to claire, rushing to open the car door for her.

"thank you." she flirtily says to me. i whip around and head towards the building, but then realize claire is helping riley out.

"sorry" i mouth, sarcastically of course. but riley doesn't know that. i finally continue with the girls inside. claire was right, tonight it's pretty pitch black, just flashing and white lights, hence the 'glow and the dark part.' i try to breathe in and follow claires lead. if she's more comfortable with this, then that's okay. i feel fingers interlock with mine, and turn to see her face. we exchange smiles, and peace is restored once again. her hand guides me towards the dance floor, where we begin our night. of course i see riley lurking somewhere around us, but i guess she's taken the hint that she should keep her distance.

we swirl around the floor in a ongoing style, swaying and jumping to the rhythm of each other. her touch comforting me while also making butterflies dance at the same speed of the music. i pull her in as a slower song, cinnamon girl by lana del rey, begins. our faces touch, and soon our lips. i run my hands through her hair, as one does to the love of their life. she pulls away and softly smiles, not as harsh and radiant as she once did. she doesn't quite seem to look me in the eye. i slide my index finger along her face, specifically at her chin.

"you okay?" i ask her as i notice the shift in her body. her eyes flicker away from the right and pulse back to me in a defensive manner.

"yeah." she says, but it's not much of a confirmation.

"how'd you get so close to riley?" im curious to hear her answer, and it makes her catch my attention now.

"oh uhm..." claire pauses.
"she noticed i was kinda off that day you left, and she talked with me, for a little bit. we kinda just bonded." her voice is quite unsure, but i trust that she'd never get with another girl while doing stuff with me.

"well that's good, i'm glad you found a friend." i say, and genuinely mean it. although my relations to riley have been rocky, any friend seems better than her  previous. but i seem to be more unsure as i realize claire's reaction to the word 'friend.' that's when my suspicions truly turn. i follow claire's eyes to the girl standing still close to the entrance, sipping a drink in her hand. and just like every time, it's the same girl.

guess i was wrong, i'm the third wheel. and this just makes everything more complicated.