Trust And Hope

Chapter 14

"Mom gave you painkillers?"

"Yeah," Richelle nodded. "But it still hurts. And it's like I can feel exactly where my foot is. Except my foot's gone and it's weird."

"That is weird," I said. "I don't know how that works, but it's weird."

"Yeah," Richelle mutters. "This morning I woke up and panicked for a second because my leg wasn't there when I reached down."

I snorted. "Wow."

Richelle sighed. "I just want my leg back. Even when it was broken, at least I still had it. It wasn't nearly this painful either."

"I'm sorry," I said regretfully. Now I felt bad for swinging my two legs back and forth. "Do you want to get up and walk around a little bit?"

Richelle sighed. "I guess." She struggled to a sitting position, grunting in pain. I could see her teeth grinding together and her jaw clenching.

"You don't have to," I rushed to say.

"No," Richelle said. "I need to. Mom's been trying to get me out of bed all day. I've just been hurting a lot so I haven't."

"You're sure?" I asked.

Richelle nodded. "Yeah. Grab my crutches."

I did as she said.

She struggled to a standing position, panting.

"Are you sure about this?" I asked.

Richelle nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I am." She placed the tips of her crutches forward determinedly and swung her legs to catch up with them. She let out a little grunt of pain but moved with more ease than she had the previous day.

She got to the couch, and collapsed, leaning her crutches next to her. "Why am I so tired after that?" She looked at me as if I could answer her questions. "I've been off chemo for a month and a half. Why is that so hard?"

I shrugged. "Dunno. But you're up."

"Yeah," Richelle shrugged. "I guess. Feels weird though. But I guess it will for a while, huh?"

"Yeah," I muttered. "I'm sorry."

When we got to church the next day, all the kids were lined up and ready to hear who got solos and who didn't.

I glanced at Jazmine. Lydia had given us a small lesson to give them before starting the assignments just to see who was really cut out for solos.

Jazmine shrugged and gave me an encouraging look. She and Sierra had voted for me to do the lesson. Thanks a lot, guys.

"I wanna start by asking this," I said, my voice a little shaky. "Why do you all think singing requires a voice?"

Sierra pointed to Autumn's raised hand.

"You have to sing and singing requires a voice," Autumn said. She rolled her eyes. "Obviously."

"That's true, but not what I wanted," I said and pointed to Charlotte's raised hand. "What do you think?"

"Music in general answers questions," Charlotte said simply. "And it takes a strong voice to answer life's biggest questions."

"Autumn gave the factual side of it, but Charlotte's came from the heart, which is what I wanted," I said, smiling at Charlotte. I pushed the shakiness out of my voice. "What questions do you think music could answer for you?"

Voices talked all at once and when they were finally done Charlotte spoke.

"Or what happens when you die?" Charlotte asked.