Venti's funeral

Part 6 - Disaster

Today was the day of the funeral. Everything had been planned perfectly by the traveller. They headed up to the church, where the funeral will take place.

Why are there so many stairs? Seriously? Can't they add a windcurrent or something? The traveller thought as they stepped on the last step. Opening the doors, a huge creak was heard that echoed through the room, causing everyone to look their direction. Rosaria was stood near the door, and walked up to the traveller.

"You're late. Seriously, you planned this funeral, shouldn't you have actually been on time? Also, next time you plan a funeral, can you put it a bit later in the day? It's too early for this shit." She frowned.

"I don't think I'm going to be planning another funeral after this one." The traveller replied honestly.

Rosaria laughed. "Fair. The priest has almost finished talking about Venti, it's been a train wreck so far. Let's go before he finishes." And so they sit down and wait for the priest to stop talking.

Many familiar faces were sitting, listening quietly to the priest. Of course there was Bennett and Barbara, who were both crying. Bennett also had a giant gash on his arm. The traveller suspected that he was another victim of the wrath of the casket.

Speaking of victims of the casket, Xiao  sat quietly next to Zhongli, who was... smiling? This man is a psychopath! Xiao still had bandages wrapped around his head from the incident.

Lastly, there was a bunch of NPCs that the traveller didn't know the name of, and didn't care. The one person the traveller expected to see was Kaeya, who was nowhere to be seen. The traveller found this strange, as he and Rosaria often went drinking with Venti.

The traveller looks around the room to take in the beautiful scenery they planned for. The cecelias sat nicely in a vase, with wilted petals falling onto the floor as they were bought a week too early and now have started dying. Cloth was draped over the tables, with candles sat nicely on top. The main attraction, Venti, lay peacefully in his casket, which had wood splintering off the sides, like claws about to snatch unsuspecting prey. There was only one part of the puzzle missing. The music.

Razor was hiding behind a pillar, clearly not in his element. The traveller gave their best get your ass out from your hiding place and play some goddamn tunes face, which got him moving. Razor starts playing the awful music. This causes the priest to pass out.

"I guess this is the time for everyone to say their goodbyes." Rosaria sighed. She goes up to Venti, but not before breaking Razor's lyre so she also doesn't pass out. "Me and Venti would always go drinking together. My most treasured memories with him is when I was so drunk that I would find him less insufferable. I wish he wasn't dead so I can find out the location of his secret wine stash and steal all of it." She said in a monotone voice.

"What's with the monotone voice?" Xiao questioned

"Sorry. I had to think beforehand about what I'm going to say because I don't think I could have thought of anything good on the spot." She sighed.

Next, Bennett came up to say a few words. "Venti taught me how to write poems... I will never forget his kindness..." Bennett sobbed. "I will now read my poem:

"Mirror mirror on the wall,
Who is the most broken of them all?" Before Bennett could say something else, he tripped, knocking the nearby candles over.

The candles landed on the table cloth, spreading the fire. Barbara screamed. The fire spread to the cecelias and eventually the wooden casket Venti was lying in.

"The body is going to burn!" Barbara screamed again, using her hydro vision to put the fire out.

The traveller started laughing hysterically and the crowd goes wild, but is cut off by the church doors opening. It was Kaeya and Paimon!

"Traveller! You're under arrest for the murder of Venti!" Kaeya shouted.

"Yeah! Wait what?" Paimon shouted from behind.

The fires were out of control now, and Barbara couldn't put them out. Razor was howling over his broken lyre. Bennett was trying to put the fire out, but was somehow making it worse. Xiao had teleported away, and most of the crowd had evacuated, except for Zhongli, who was sitting with a small smile. Rosaria was having shots in the corner.

Admist all this chaos, Venti woke up from his week long slumber. "What a refreshing nap! Wait, where am I?" He yawned. Everyone stopped screaming. The Church went dead silent, except for the flames surrounding Venti.

"This must be the work of the Anemo Archon! A miracle!" Barbara cried and then fainted.

"He's alive?" Kaeya said, confused and in the process of arresting the traveller.

"Clearly I didn't murder him, so can I leave now?" The traveller smirked.

Kaeya let the traveller go, but not before asking them a few questions. "Explain yourself, honorary knight."

"Well, I knew Venti was alive from the start, so I thought hey, why not mess with him a bit? So I planned this funeral for him because I thought it would be funny." The traveller laughed.

"...What?!" Paimon yelled. "You knew Venti was alive?! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to ruin the surprise." The traveller replied. Before Paimon could respond, Venti walked up to them.

"Traveller, would you mind telling me what is going on?" Venti asked nervously.

"We were just having the perfect send off for you before you get buried. Oh, and you might want to run." The traveller responded.

"Run...?" Venti whispered.

"Barbatos, it's nice to see you again." Zhongli waved and smiled. "It's fortunate you're alive!"

"Thank... you... Morax..." Venti was shaking now.

"It's fortunate because... now I can ask you where the fuck you took my osmanthus wine! If you drank it, be prepared to feel the wrath of the rock!" He yelled.

Venti screamed, cried, pissed and shat himself before sprinting towards the door. Everyone's eyes followed him as he weaved between the rocks being launched at him. Kaeya broke the silence.

"VENTI IS BARBATOS?!"