January 30, 2022
Hi, my invisible friends.
It's been a while.
If you are really out there, somewhere, I still exist.
I am no longer alive but I am still breathing.
I am no longer alive but people still see me.
I am no longer alive but somehow I'm still here on earth.
"Why?", is the question.
Is it because of whom I call my friends?
Ones who only notice me when they feel an ounce down as I feel every day for the past 4 years.
Is it because of whom I call family?
The ones who could barely keep their tongues out; bleeding as they keep vomiting endless lies.
Is it because of my beautiful pets?
The ones who love me though I smell of a dead corpse longing to come out of my pink flesh, desperate for it to just... overtake.
I love my pets, I do...
But I feel that my love isn't enough, and that they deserve better.
Is it because I am a narcissist?
Looking up for this term "narcissist" trying to relate myself to it just so I could answer these questions I have:
"Why am I different?"
"Why am I always sad all the time?"
"Why can't someone love me?"
"Why can't I love someone?"
"Why am I always thinking of only myself?"
"Am I that of a narcissist to only think of how I feel or can't feel?"
Somehow... all of these answers are still unknown as I don't know who I am really.
One thing I know is that I am not longing to have more things that I don't have,
I am longing to loose them because I don't deserve them.
I am still alive, physically, but I no longer want it.
《ArwenSwritt
YOU ARE READING
A Sort of Diary
PoetryThis is a "diary" of emotions (some personal & some random thoughts I written), not a diary filled with pointless routines within a day. And I would like to share this with all of you because another path to self healing is through acceptance and be...
