Love and loss (a harry potter love story)

Im fine. The biggest lie!

Just as I predicted about every half an hour I would drift off only to have a nightmare and wake up check on my friends and family around me before getting back in my sleeping bag for the whole thing to start again.

The next day classes were cancelled and the fat lady's portrait was replaced by sir cadagons . I was up before everyone else and I ran up to the common room before anyone else was even starting to wake up as it was about half 6. I went straight up to my dorm and to the bathroom. I still had that sick feeling and even though it was faint the siren was still there. I looked in the mirror. Oh great I'm pale as hell and have dark bags under my eyes. I couldn't concentrate enough to sort it out with my metamorphagus powers so I settled for good old fashioned make up and let me tell you it took a ton to get my skin to look more normal and to cover the bags under my eyes but at least now the others won't worry well once they realise I'm okay because I left without them knowing the day after escaped murder breaks in. I got dressed into leggings and hoodie planning not to do anything today but sit by the fire. I hid a small hand gun in my hoodie incase and headed down the stairs. My excuse for not doing a lot so they wouldn't think I was ill is ......um......er.........I just want a relaxing do nothing day? Eh I'll just hope they will buy it.

Soon enough they came rushing in,spotted me on the sofa and Ran to me.they started saying how worried they were and I should never do it again. Then Hermione asked the question I dreaded.

"What do you all want to do today then?"

"I want a lazy do nothing day" I said trying to sound confident. They all seemed to buy it as in my head I sighed in relief.

"Ready for breakfast everyone?" Asked Ron. Oh no their all gonna wonder why I don't want breakfast and I didn't eat last night. I still have that sick feeling and it's still so strong even though the siren has faded. What am I gonna do?

"You go ahead I'm not hungry" I said hoping they would just go down and leave me here.

"Jade you didn't eat anything last night and now you won't eat anything this morning are you sure your okay love" Harry asked looking at me concerned whilst putting a hand on my forehead as if checking for a high/low temperature.

"I'm fine" lie. They all turned to face me and I knew not a single one of them believed me and I could tell Ginny was trying to figure it out. "Would it make you feel better if I ate a banana" I said spotting the fruit bowl on the table just to the left of me.

"Yes" they all said at once so I grabbed a banana took a bite and surprisingly they all left. I ran up to my dorm spit out the mouthful of banana I had and threw the rest away making sure to destroy the evidence to cover my tracks. Then walked back down stairs to the sofa where I stayed all day. Once again I ate nothing at lunch or tea but I did go to the great hall so the teachers wouldn't get suspicious.

That night I had no sleep as whenever I managed to drift off I'd wake up a couple minutes later because of a terrible nightmare. I made sure to be quiet though so i didn't wake any one up. I gave up at around half 5 and did my makeup like before, got dressed in my robes for school before heading down to the common room to wait for the others. Today felt just like yesterday incredibly sick and the faint sound of a siren except today I had an awful headache. Once again I didn't eat and just made it through the school day without throwing up. The guys were again worried.

This carried on with me getting worse and worse everyday for around 4-5 days cause to be honest I lost track of day and night until one day at breakfast and Ginny sat with us. I kept my head down most the time but I looked up for a few seconds and Ginny and I made eye contact for a brief second before I put my head back down silently wishing she hadn't figured it out. I was wrong. She gasped and dragged me out of the hall and to the girls toilets whilst the guys were yelling asking where we were going.
Ginny took my into the stall and looked my straight in the eye.

"Your panicking" she said. I nodded slightly but it hurt my head soo much. "You have been since last Thursday! Jade it's now the next Friday it's been over a week why haven't you told any one." She said. I just collapsed on the floor in sobs as she hugged me and tried to get me to calm down. I told her all the things I was panicking about just what if what if what if. It sooner moved on to me personally. Such as what if I'm not pretty enough smart enough etc etc. only Ginny knows how insecure I really am. When I had finished my make up was ruined so Ginny washed it off and gasped when she saw how pale I was and the bags. Then I started to throw up into the toilet bowl so Ginny being the amazing sister she is held my hair back, rubbed my back and whispered soothing words to me. She tried to convince me to go to madam pomfrey.

"No Ginny I can't because the boys and my parents will find out about me panicking" I replied.

"You've got to. Jade your ill"

"I'm sorry Ginny but I can't"

I walked out to the corridor but it was packed with students pushing and shoving to get to class. The siren was back loud and clear it was the only thing I could hear. I walked back. I could faintly hear Ginny.

"Jade! Jade! Are you okay? Your turning blue!"

I couldn't breath.

I couldn't think.

I heard Ginny yelling for help.

I let the blackness take over.................