Hidden in Your Smile | Beomjun/Yeongyu

Hidden in Your Smile

"You really want to know what's wrong?" Yeonjun asked.

"Yes!" Beomgyu nodded.

"What's wrong is that I can't fucking stand being around you." Yeonjun hissed. "I can't fucking stand the way you look at me, I can't stand the way you care about me, the way you touch me. I hate you. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate that I can't hate you; that every time I try, it just gets worse."

"What...what gets worse?" Beomgyu asked cautiously.

"You look at me with those eyes and...everything around me disappears and you're the only thing I can look at." Yeonjuns voice began to soften. "God, the way they sparkle is just...I can't help but lose myself in them. Then I remember...I'm not supposed to feel like this. I'm not supposed to love the way you giggle at the littlest things, I'm not supposed to get nervous when you get touchy with me. I'm not supposed to have feelings for someone I should love like a little brother."

"What are you..." Beomgyu trailed off, not being able to take in everything Yeonjun just said to him. His words tangled in his brain like wires and he couldn't seem to decipher any of them.

"Beomgyu, I..." Yeonjun hesitated. After all this time he was finally going to say it. But he was scared. He had no idea what was going to happen when he said it, he hated not knowing. But he had to. "I love you."

"You...you what?" Beomgyu breathed.

"Please don't make me say it again." Yeonjun begged. He couldn't even look at Beomgyu. He was too ashamed.

"Look at me." Beomgyu demanded.

Yeonjun shook his head. "I can't."

Beomgyu put a hand on Yeonjuns cheek and turned his head so he had to look at Beomgyu.

"Look at me." He said in a softer tone.

Yeonjun finally looked Beomgyu in the eyes, but he couldn't read them. He had no clue what Beomgyu was thinking, and that was killing him. Beomgyu didn't move his hand as he spoke.

"Nothing you say or do could ever make me hate you." Beomgyu repeated slowly. Beomgyu looked away for a minute, like he was contemplating what to say next. He looked back at Yeonjun with a small smile. "I want to try something."

"Try what?" Yeonjun asked.

Beomgyu didn't say anything, he just smiled and leaned in closer. Yeonjun froze.

He wanted to back away and tell Beomgyu that he was crazy, that they didn't have to kiss just because Yeonjun confessed. But his body couldn't move, it could only watch as Beomgyu inched closer and closer.

Their noses were now touching each other's cheek, their lips just millimeters apart. Yeonjun felt his heart rioting in his rib cage, his breathing labored.

Beomgyu finally closed the distance and pressed his lips to Yeonjuns, engaging in a soft kiss. Yeonjun felt a million sparks coursing through his veins, snapping him out of his daze. He felt the kiss all the way from his head to his feet.

Beomgyu pulled away first, leaving Yeonjun absolutely breathless.

"I don't want you to think that this was just because you just said you love me." Beomgyu said shortly after.

"Then why?" Yeonjun was genuinely curious, nothing Beomgyu had ever done even slightly indicated that he might like Yeonjun, too.

"You've always cared about me, Yeonjun. When I was an ugly person, when I was at my most angry place, you cared about me. I never understood why, it's not like I was the best person in return. But eventually I saw what you saw when you looked at me." Beomgyu began, shuffling so he was sitting at the foot of the bed facing Yeonjun.

"You would look at me, and suddenly everything was okay. You looked at me, and saw all these little missing pieces of me I never thought I would find. You looked at me, and I wanted to be the person you saw. I wanted to be someone you would be proud of, someone you could depend on. I am who I am because of you, you made me a better person because you searched for one. And I can never repay you for that." Beomgyu softly shook his head. He scooted closer to Yeonjun and draped his arms over his shoulder.

"You kissed me because you feel like you owe me?" Yeonjun questioned with a frown on his face. If that really was the reason, he didn't want it to happen again.

But Beomgyu's giggle told him he was probably wrong.

"No, I kissed you because I want to continue being the person you see. I want to continue being the person you love. I don't know if what I feel for you is love, but I hope it is. Even if it's not, I'm sure it's just a matter of time." Beomgyu's lips curled into a smile as he leaned in once more.

Yeonjun couldn't hold back this time, everything Beomgyu just said nearly brought him to tears.

The elder put an arm around Beomgyu's waist and pulled him just a little bit closer. Beomgyu seemingly took the hint because a couple seconds later he was perched on one of Yeonjun's thighs.

They continued to kiss full on the lips until one ran out of breath. But these little breaks didn't last very long, Beomgyu put his hands on either side of Yeonjun's jaw and leaned right back in.

The material of Beomgyu's sweater was now wrinkled from Yeonjun holding his waist so tightly. Yeonjun leaned back on one hand for support and Beomgyu loomed over Yeonjun.

Eventually the full-on make out session turned into soft kisses. Beomgyu's forehead pressed softly against Yeonjun's as they took in each other's presence.

Beomgyu was a dream, that much Yeonjun was sure of. Everything about him was just so effortless, from the way he shined during performances, to the way he just was.

"The company won't be very happy about this." Yeonjun whispered, earning a quiet giggle from Beomgyu.

"Who says they have to know?" Beomgyu replied.

Yeonjun leaned back slightly to look into Beomgyu's eyes. The soft yellow light from the bedside lamp giving Beomgyu a beautiful golden glow.

"You don't have to say it back, but I want to say this because I really, truly mean it." Yeonjun said, the arm around his waist moving up to brush the hair in Beomgyu's eyes away from his face. Those eyes sparkled with curiosity as he waited patiently. "I love you, Beomgyu. I love you, and I will continue to do so for as long as you're willing to let me."

Beomgyu's lips twitched into a bashful smile upon hearing the statement.

"How does the rest of our lives sound?" Beomgyu asked in a whisper.

And so they dwelled in the presence of their own euphoria. They didn't have to worry about anybody else, because nobody else mattered.

For now, they enjoyed each other's presence and put aside any worries they had.

As long as one had the other, they were okay.