Mackenzie's Critique Shop

🌼 Grass Stains | Sydnecyl2050

But I'd have to advise you for your editing. Be careful of head hopping, I've noticed you usually do this. Though it's fine since I'm pretty sure our first drafts always contained some head hopping.

Characterization: 

Your character are surely...interesting. They're not the usual heroes of the story, they might even be considered the anti-heroes. And I love it! I love that you're breaking all or at least most of the cliches in Historical Fiction. Since usually (Though I've only read about three Historical Fiction books and they're from my home country--which is not in England.) the tropes here are the 'I'm not like average girls, I'm one of the boys' kind of stuff for their main character. And though Lourdes is often described as 'not like other girls,' it is completely understandable since she stands strong and proves to the readers the she is not like other girls in their time. And that she stands confident amidst all of it and all of her differences. 

I think Lourdes is such an interesting character, this is what made me actually want to see what's going to happen and how she's going to handle it. She can come off as self-absorbed and rebellious, but it seems entirely interesting and also quite relatable to an extent. Lourdes reminds me that a character doesn't have to be perfect to be likeable. I love Lourdes, I love her authenticity, her character and her thirst for adventure. 

I'd normally tell you to tone down the 'not like other girls' things, but I know it comes from Lourdes, and it seems quite in-character for her, so I'd rather not.

As for the two love interests, let's start with Mr. Hugh/Seymour. At first I had thought he would be the bad boy 'I'm not a gentleman' love interest while the upcoming Mr. Iberra would be the good boy 'I'm a gentleman' kind of guy. But I was wrong, dead wrong. If I had though Seymour would play the bad boy role, I was wrong. He flattens in comparison to Iberra, who judges people at first sight, thinks of himself as god and is more than just self-absorbed. But more than that, even though I disapprove of his attitude, I yet again find him quite interesting. I'm Interested to see how this love triangle would form. 

But I'm sorry I just have the urge to say this but. The way Rhys is described when he took a bath--I'm not quite sure why, but I see him looking like Dr. Robotnick and Lord Farquaad's lovechild. I suppose it's because of his hairstyle and the mustache? Though I'm sure this character design is for the accuracy, I'm sure most men his age and at that time had those trends. 

Rhys also seems like quite the toxic one, isn't he? He judges people unfairly, and dictates their personality right at the very moment he sees them. He also seems quite possessive, which for many people may seem attractive, though it is admittedly a huge red flag. But more than that, he seems like the kind of person who's goal-oriented, set on achieving what he sets in mind and quite hardworking. You presented such realistic aspects of human beings into your characters. I loved that your characters are all realistic, relatable (to an extent) and not at all perfect. Yet despite the fact that they may be toxic, they're still quite interesting to read. 

Lourdes isn't at all annoying as well, I love that she has very unique opinions and outlook on love and life. This is the character I've been looking for for so long. A character who is their own person, has their own outlook and opinions, and stands strong for each of them! All in all I love it, your characters are so interesting. I also love that Lourdes actively wants to be someone unique, she actively participates and takes joy in the fact that she's different. 

I also see that Rhys values outward appearances to such a high standard, that he would not deem a person worthy unless their looks speak for itself. Needless to say, I did not like Rhys' attitude, though his characterization was good, I merely find him interesting.