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┏━°⌜ 赤い糸 ⌟°━┓
Ihave always shook with fright before human beings.
Unable as I was to feel the least particle of confidence in my ability to speak and act like a human being, I kept my solitary agonies locked in my breast. I kept my melancholy and my agitation hidden, careful lest any trace should be left exposed.
I feigned an innocent optimism; I gradually perfected myself in the role of the farcical eccentric.
— Osamu Dazai, no longer human
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
[A/N]
thank you all for reading !
in the beginning, this book was supposed to be a sort of source of personal therapy. when i started watching bsd, i almost instantly clicked with dazai's character. all of the characters in the show have many layers; and i just found his character the most interesting to explore.
i can still remember vividly (and is also what inspired this book) when i was binging the show during covid as a source of escapism, when dazai was asked:
"tell me dazai—why is it you wish to die?"
and he responded with:
"let's turn that question around, is there really any value to this thing we call living?"
when dazai asked mori that, i too, also didn't have an answer. in fact, i had actually found myself agreeing with his statement.
as mentioned, writing has always been a personal source of therapy. writing and working through emotions allowed me to process and understand what i was feeling—and in particular with this book—come to terms with my chronic anxiety and depression.
for a long time i didn't know what my body was going through—many nights waking up with panic attacks not knowing that they were panic attacks. for a while, i hated how my brain was constructed, and then slowly i began to hate myself.
when i began seeking out help, and realising that i didn't really have any friends who could empathise with what i was going through, i came to truely realise that it was going to only be myself who will be able to help me get through life.
perhaps this book is a fancy and poetic way of preaching self love. it's a truely difficult path to take, as well as stay on.
