I Still Do

Chapter 17

I sat down in the middle of you and Max, our parents were on the other side. Laughter was something that didn't go away at any moment there.

"That was a good race." My boss pointed at the TV, and the race was replaying.

"Thank you." You smiled at him with your widest fucking smile ever.

He got our orders and walked away to go get it started. Our parents fell into conversation, they loved each other. We became family just like that. Max was arguing with my dad like he would argue with yours. My mother and Dylan were talking about your mother. And we, we were in our own little world.

I tapped the back of your hand three times and you smiled up at me. I brushed the hair out of your face and I would never forget the words that you said next.

"I wish I could stay in this moment forever."

"Everyday I try to go back to that memory because it was my favorite one where we were all together. The way you looked at me gave me life, and the way you laughed with my parents made me realize how lucky I was to have you in my life." His voice was wary like he was going to cry at any point.

"I tried to stay there forever. But life happens, things change. This diner got me through it. I stayed here, I waited for you to come barging through that door and yell at me. Just saying stupid shit like you always would. Whether it be you telling me that you fell, or that you were cold, or that I was crazy, or you were clingy, I missed it. I missed everything, that reminded me of you."

"What was your favorite thing i barged in here saying?"

"You screamed about how you wanted to eat a mango. You're allergic to them and you hate the way they taste anyways. But you tried to put up a fight and safe to say, I won."

The silence wasn't awkward, but I didn't know what to say.

"How much did I miss?"

"So much Jareds." He whispered back and grabbed my hand from across the table.

His touch sent chills down my arms, and he noticed. His touch sent electricity through my veins. I literally had no idea how he was able to do that. He stared at the goosebumps on my arms before bringing his eyes back up to mine.

"We shouldn't be-" I spoke, pulling my hand away from him.

"You probably have a girlfriend, and i don't want to cross that-"

"You were-"

"Food time! Eat up, both of you."

Wilbur let out an annoyed breath but stayed quiet. I didn't want the conversation to continue, I was trying to get out of my attachment to him. I didn't want to have an attachment to him. I wanted to be able to live by myself. But he crashed into my life, and did not let me do a single thing without him clouding my brain.

Once I lose my emotional attachment to him, he will be nothing but ordinary. It was my energy and my effort that made him seem so special. It was a toxic cycle that I walked myself into.

Maybe I'm self sabotaging myself now, maybe I'm not. But I want it so each time I see him, I'm less and less attached to him, and the version of him that I created in my head.

But I can just hear his voice screaming at me to swim to the surface. That nothing is what it seems. And I don't know what to believe.

Just because I carry it well, doesn't mean it isn't heavy. Its fucking weighing me down. Once we were finished eating, he paid, despite me trying to pay with the money I didn't have.

We walked out of the place and I could feel myself starting to get tired.

"Are you alright?" I asked him and he laughed.

He fucking laughed?

I turned back around and started walking back to his place.

"Daytona- You-"

"I ask you a simple question and you laugh in my face."

"I never thought I would hear you say that again! Sue me for laughing!" He stood in front of me putting both of his hands on my shoulders, stopping me from walking any further.

"I don't understand how its funny!"

"I wrote an album- An EP actually. I make music, and most of the names to everything are about you. Something you had to do with them. Your New Boyfriend, that's about a guy named Jared who takes the love of my life away from me, and how I'm still stuck living at the age 18. Are You Alright, that's the name of my first EP with my bandmates called LoveJoy. Taunt, you were always taunting me in some way shape or form. Sex Sells, you always were scared to sleep with any light on in rooms. One Day, I knew that you were with me, whether you were passed away or alive. Cause For Concern, you were always concerned about me. Your City Gave me Asthma-" He stopped rambling when his eyes met mine.

"What i'm trying to say, i'm going to laugh at some things i probably shouldn't because i'm right where you left me."

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