Extraordinarily Ordinary - A Resse Love Story

Chapter 5.

Ok everybody, here is a new chapter. Please vote and comment lots! It makes me very happy! 🥰

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Ok. What the hell just happened?

The two men stood, nestled into one another, staring down at the pile of hands between them. Rob was afraid that he would look up and see that no one was actually there, and that he imagined it all. He had often daydreamed about this exact scene, though it had never actually been real before. But just as his insecurities started to flood back in, Jesse shifted.

A soft kiss was placed of Rob's forehead. Sweet, and so gentle.

Jesse pulled back and met Rob's gaze.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

That was a good question. How was he feeling? He was feeling a lot, that's for sure, but he wasn't quite sure how he was feeling.

It was hard to explain, but he had always compared his thoughts to the wind. They blew their way through his life, untameable and changeable in a moment. Sometimes, he is behind the glass, and he watches in horror or intrigue as they pass by. He is protected, he cannot feel anything bad in his body, but he is hyperaware, observing the storm. Perplexing is a word he might use, to describe these moments of metacognition. Confusing and terrifying are other ones, with threads of understanding and remorse entwined, removed and therefore manageable, however undesirable.

Other times it is worse, and he is out on the shore, being bombarded all at once by every single one of them. They push and pull every which way until he is left paralyzed with fear. The sea becomes blurred by the rain, and the forced silence reaches deafening. Sharp fog engulfs his head and wraps its cool, wet hands around his neck. Shallow breaths are all he can manage, but they do nothing to calm the chaos of the water. He is too present, he can feel every single cell in his body screaming, turning into a buzz that emanates from his pores. Then he is left alone. With a body he can't love, and a will that can't save him.

For the sake of his sanity, Rob was glad that in this moment he was experiencing the former. This way he could still outwardly appear normal.

The confusion and deep thought must have been evident on his face, because Jesse spoke for him.

"You don't have to answer that. Of course you don't know how you feel. I have no idea what I should be feeling either." Still holding Rob by both hands, he led him over to sit on the couch with him. They sat on the cushions, both of them leaning forward with their elbows on their knees.

Silence ensued, and Rob took the chance to finally catch his breath. His nervousness had begun to fade, but a sense of embarrassment crept up.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Rob whispered. "You were right, that wasn't fair of me."

He so often said the wrong things, made the wrong actions. Said what he didn't mean and did what he didn't want. He shouldn't have been so angry, Jesse had never been anything other than kind to him, and he didn't deserve that.

But instead of hating him for it, Jesse's eyes were rueful, only hating that Rob felt the need to apologize.

"Hey," Jesse started, forcing Rob to once again meet his eyes. "It's okay. The only way you can hurt me is by hurting yourself."

God. How did he always know the right thing to say? How was it possible that he was this damn perfect? How could he ever live up to Jesse? Rob never knew how to say the right things. How could he ever be what Jesse deserved?