back on track

48. the one with the last supper

"That was a bit harsh don't you think?" Mick asked as I passed him right after.

"It was something I should've done a while ago" I told the guy with a sad smile.

"So, I'm guessing that is over?" he looked at me sorry. I knew he really had wanted that to work out for me but there is just some things that aren't meant to be, I guess.

"Pretty much" I sighed feeling that little sting of pain thinking about it. It really was over this time.

"Are you okay?" he had now stopped and was tilting his head looking me dead in the eye to see if anything I was saying was true.

"Not really no" I told him honestly knowing there was no point of lying. "I will be tho" I gave him a soft smile.

"Yeah I know, you always will" he nodded. "Just really thought you could finally be happy now" he said looking down.

"You're too good for this world, you know that right?" I pointed out. He was the most kind and generous human I had ever met, with nothing bad to say ever about anything or anyone and just so full of hope.

Mick just let out a small laugh. I knew he didn't really ever listened to those comments I had made of him and didn't really believe them but I wanted him to. I really did.

"Oh, I need to tell you something" I realized and my mood dropped right away.

"Yeah?"

"My internship ends in Russia so these are my last GPs" the fact that I wasn't gonna be here after this month was slowly starting to get to me like for real.

"No" he said in disbelief. "I honestly kinda thought you wouldn't have to leave like ever"

"Yeah tell me about it" I sighed. "But I'm not gonna disappear this time I promise, I'll text and call you so much you have to tell me to stop" I threatened Mick making his lips curl into a smile and that was all I wanted.

"You do that, and I'll be happy" he laughed. "I'm gonna miss you" He was now bit more serious.

"Yeah I'll miss you too, but after couple months I'm done with my school so I hope you'll gonna see me around here again" I crossed my fingers hoping that would actually be the deal.

"You do that, and I'll try to find time to come to Finland once again" he smiled at me.

"My mum would love that" I grinned before we parted out ways.

.

Next week I spent working hard trying to make it sure everything I wanted to get done in the office in Maranello was done. Rest of my time went packing and I really had to thank Carlos spending most of his time helping me or well at least keeping me company while I was doing that. I felt like he was a little scared that I was going to collapse or breakdown after the whole Lando round two thing. I mean to be honest I was a little worried about that myself too but I hadn't seen him, talked to him or even knew what was going on with the guy after I had told him I needed space and he had respected it, which had really made a difference. I was actually okay.

Looking at my apartment now, felt weird. I had just started to call this place home, even though I never thought I would. And now that I finally was calling it home, I was leaving it. It felt a bit ironic. This was my last day living here. After today I would leave to Monza and fly straight from there to Russia and after that it was bye bye F1 for me at least for now.

I had promised to go to Carlos' tonight to just hang out for the last time, at least for a while. So that's what I did. Closing the door after me I headed up to the stairs. Knocking on the door which had become really familiar during these nine months. I felt sad but also so thankful, not too many people who dreamed things like this, got to do this, and for me it was just privilege to get to be here. I mean it was my mum's idea, which I had first been against. I had been against anything with a track and a race to be honest but now I was so happy she had made me do this and reminded me at the same time how much I loved this world even though I wasn't the one in the car.

The door opened in front of me and I was met by many smiley faces and my mouth opened.

"Surprise" Carlos smirked and my mouth curved into a smile.

"What is all this?" I was really taken back by the situation.

"You really thought we would just let you leave without a proper goodbye?" Cami smiled behind Carlos. Next to him was Nick and I could see Charles little further too, but what really surprised me the most was Pierre standing next to his best mate.

"Yeah I did" I said still very puzzled.

"Oh come on mate you know we wouldn't let that happen" Charles shouted to me making the smile on my face grew bigger. Looking around I could see a goodbye sign hanging over the door frame and I got a bit emotional. There was still almost two weeks to go before I was actually leaving but it felt pretty real seeing all this.

"How –?" I said pointing my finger on Pierre who hadn't said anything still.

"I talked to Charles earlier today and he mentioned about them throwing you a little party and I had a evening off so I came for a visit" he shrugged grinning. "Yuki says hi by the way" he added.

"Okay, I uhm- this is really nice from all of you" I smiled softly little shocked by the fact that they had actually arranged this for me.

"So let's eat" Carlos stated taking me to the living room where he had arranged a punch of different food but still so they could eat it with their diets. I was feeling really happy sitting on the floor laughing and chatting with all these people who had become a great friends of mine during the past nine months. You know those situations when you kind of take yourself above the situation going around you and just watch everyone else and feel so happy and safe. This was one of those moment for me. I just sat there quietly watching my friends joking around, eating and having fun. It meant the most to me that they were enjoying themselves.

I felt someone picking up my hand and I turned to look Pierre with a questioning face as he stared at my wrist.

"Is that?" he asked nodding towards the tattoo I had on me.

"Yeah, it for Anthoine" I confirmed looking at the 'A' on my skin.

"I've seen it couple of times and always wondered if it was like that" he told me looking same time sad and somehow extremely honored that I had a mark of his late friend on my skin.

"Yeah, I have that for him" I nodded. "Then there is this one for my uncle" I said moving my shirt little more that he could see the tiny track in a shape of infinity sign on my arm. My uncle had been the one taking and introducing me to racing and karting when I was little. My parents weren't that big fans or anything that they would've put me on the track, but he was and he saw my interest on the sport from a young age sneaking me to watch races and eventually into a kart. "And I have on for me grandma on my side" I added.

"That's pretty amazing" Pierre told me looking at the track on my arm.

"Yeah, I have couple other tattoos too which are not related to dead people, but I think these mean the most to me for obvious reasons" I let out a small chuckle.

"That's cool" he smiled. "So last night in Maranello huh?" he changed the subject and I let out a sigh looking around.

"I guess yeah, feels a little strange" I admitted to the guy. "I really fell in love with this world" I smiled remembering every single new thing and experience I had had on this trip.

"I think this world fell in love with you too" the guy grinned. "I can bet all my money for you getting back before you even know" he said confident making me laugh.

"That's really sweet of you" My smile was now bigger than ever. I thought about his words and really hoped that was true. I finally felt like I had found my place.