Resurrect me

Chapter Eleven

Anya hadn't had her own bedroom since she was a few months old, with her parents lying dead in the house. She'd shared the cupboard with Harry, and then Dudley's second room and then the dorm. But never her own.
Anya thought that Flitwick had underrated her mother's skills at charms, the house and garden lay clean and tidy in amongst layer after layer after layer of protection spells, fields and orchards.
The perfect white emptiness of her room proved her point. It was free from anything and everything. Ready for Anya to finally have her bedroom not a bedroom.

"We can get anything you want. I know that if you're anything like your father there's quidditch posters and of course I'm rubbish at sewing and everything but I can try and make you blankets. Oh, and there's this gorgeous meadow down by the cliffs. It's one of the first places we took Harry so we can always get flowers from there." Lily exclaimed from where she was stood by the window sill.
She suspected her mother felt that Anya blamed her for dying and leaving her children to fend for themselves, as if she could have helped it. She knew it wasn't her fault. Or her fathers. She'd been in that situation more times that a fourteen year old should have been and had only escaped by sheer luck. It was neither Lily nor James' fault that they had not had that luck on Halloween night.

Anya thought to the posters and the quilts and the photos in Ginny's room and then stopped because it hurt to think about Ginny and all the unopened letters that had piled up in her suitcase.

"I don't know... I've never had my own room before." She knew already that her things had only taken up a small space on the dresser they were allowed by their beds in Hogwarts and that the bedroom was about three times as big as the Gryffindor girls dorm room without four other girls living in it.
Everything was massive. The wardrobe that held a mismatch of Remus' old jumpers, one of Sirius' leather jackets, a few vintage tops, dresses and skirts that Lily had left behind and a few of James' quidditch jumpers from his time at Hogwarts. They'd already sent all of Dudley's old clothes that Petunia had given her, to Remus to send to the charity shops

Lily's face softened. "I know. I'll ask Remus to get you some things and I'm sure you've got friends who have ideas."

She frowned. "When do you think we'll be allowed out. Properly out."

Her mother shrugged. "I don't know, but you know Dumbledore," Her mouth twisted in distaste, "we'll have to do everything for him, won't we?"
It was strange, hearing someone talk about Albus Dumbledore like that. Though she'd never liked him, Lily Potter seemed to have a strong hatred for him, though that mustn't be hard if you looked at where he'd left her children and what state he'd left them in, despite knowing the consequences of the Dursley's treatment.
Anya was a firm believer in the fact that if Dumbledore had left her and Harry with Sirius, the devastating events that had happened in the hours afterwards would never have happened at all.

Lily looked up at her, throat bobbing nervously. "Anya, I don't-"

Sirius voice shouted excitedly up the stairs as they both heard the sound of the door opening. "They're here! Mary's here!"
She saw her mother's eyes go straight to the door, a smile lighting up her face before it fell and she looked back at her daughter. "I mean that I don't-"

"Mum." Anya cut her off, attempting a reassuring smile. "It's fine go down and see her." 
Lily blinked.

"I do want to talk to you Anya."

"I know. But Mary's more important right now." 

She nodded in response, more as if she was trying to convince herself of something and not Anya. "Okay. But we'll talk later, I promise."

She smiled at her reassuringly and practically sprinted out the room. Anya followed, taking deep breaths and trying to convince herself that she wasn't absolutely terrified of remembering what had happened in the graveyard, trying to convince herself that she wasn't absolutely terrified of being left alone after lying for hours and hours on the ground, screaming and screaming and eventually not even being able to scream as the pain came again and again, her only companions in the darkness being Voldemort's laugh and the man who'd ruined her whole life and left her not much more than a shell of a girl.

There was laughter coming from downstairs, the delighted shrieks of long lost friends that left an ache in Anya's chest as she was reminded of everything she had lost with Ginny.
She'd overheard the doctors telling Ginny that it was just trauma whilst they thought she was sleeping, and though she had still been in a world of screams and sobbing and darkness and the absolute fear of being alone, she remembered thinking that they were stupid. Of course it was trauma, but the things she'd been through weren't just trauma. Everyone who had been in life had made her who she was, and Anya hadn't had her parents in her life for very long, so she'd shaped herself off of the way to survive at Privet Drive. She'd shaped herself off of the broken, shattered sobs of the person who was telling the story of her parents.
She'd shaped herself off dead people. She'd shaped herself off the corpses of her parents, lying in their graves. And then they were surprised when Anya ruined it all. When they loved her too much and she ruined it all. All because she'd never experienced enough kindness before Ginny that she was too scared to ever understand how she could be hurt and it would hurt them as well. Because she was always hurt, and Anya was sure she'd be dead by the time she finished school, and she was so scared of them ending up dead too that she knew she would lie in the graveyard for years and years just so they would all be alright.

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A/N:

• I was going to make this chapter as a cute reunion but I decided I need to focus more on how much Anya has been affected by everything that has happened, how her behaviour and trauma (that's not her fault) has affected others and whether or not James and Lily can save her or whether she is too far gone into what Peter and Voldemort have done too her.

• I also got to about 800 words and then got writers block and the story just wouldn't flow and I didn't know whether to put the reunion in Anya's pov with in an extra long chapter or to use someone else's.

• I'm going to be using Anya's pov again and focusing on her fear of being left alone so they will contain quite heavy content.

• on a lighter note I'm kind of considering Lily being pregnant again (not straight away but within the book) but I don't know whether that's too rushed and a bit cringy, so comment if you'd like that.

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I'm praying for everyone in Ukraine and if there is anyone reading this book right now who is in Ukraine or has family there I hope you and your family is safe and I hope anyone else who is reading this is fighting for you.
My heart is with you and I hope you're alright, I could never imagine how awful this is for you.

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