CURSED: FROM THE BEGINNING [D.M]

-(23) she'll pay for that

She doesn't care because the calm that had settled inside her before, has now evaporated into thin air and her head was in turmoil; her chest aching. She can feel the rage in her veins now, in her very fingertips. And it tears at her skin, clawing and clawing, choking her up.

Just like before.

She can feel a hand on her back, guiding her somewhere. But she doesn't know where for can see nothing- the world around her, a mere blur as the feeling inside grows threateningly powerful.

"You should breathe, Zilliah", a voice comes. Whose, she couldn't place. Neither could she obey it. She can't breathe- she can't- it's like something has got a strangle hold on her- like pure pain in the devil's incarnate has got a strangle hold on her.

She has lost Sirius.. the first person to show her actual care and affection in years. She had the power to save him but she couldn't. She has lost him forever.

She can see nothing but darkness as she screams in pure agony- sheer devastation rippling off her chest as she presses her eyelids shut.

And she was suddenly back at the field. Back at it all.

And this time, she doesn't try to run when the lady comes.

She can't.

-

When she opens her eyes, Severus is there- cupping her wet cheeks. She looks around in panic- it was their Potions classroom, and it was now ripped to shreds- the glass jars in which the ingredients were placed broken to bits, the desks and chairs shattered into mere pieces of wood.

"It's okay.. it's alright", she hears him mutter, looking at her with much affection as he could gather.

Her throat feels so fucking dry as she tries to form words, "I- I couldn't-"

"It's alright.."

"Tell me..", she chokes out, meeting his eyes filled with pure pity that almost repulses her. "How- how did you.. when she died.. how-"

His eyes turn dark, a flash of memory passing through behind it. And he is silent for a long moment before whispering, low under his breath, "I.. I couldn't either."

"I'm.. I'm sorry.."

"It's alright. But you can't be like this. You have to learn to control.. or you'll be in very grave danger."

"I know."

She does know.

But sometimes, things slip away from our grasps and there's nothing we can do but watch it burn right before our very eyes.

-

Zilliah is walking about the castle, alone. It was their last day of the year. There were parties and feasts. She didn't care.

As she takes a turn, she spots two people- Harry and Luna. The latter skips away, probably back to the Great Hall. Harry turns his head around and sees Zilliah. He starts to turn back himself, to walk away.

"Harry", she calls, her voice coming out croaky from having not used it for weeks. And that's maybe just why, he stops.

"I know what you want. I don't feel upto it. Hope you understand", he turns and says with indifference written across every last inch of his face.

"Oh", is her pathetic response.

"Yes", he speaks, much sharply, turning back again to leave.

And she doesn't know if it is right to do this.. or maybe she does. But like before, she doesn't care. "You know..", she calls again, making him stop and turn to face her once more. "My full name is Zilliah Lily Emerson. Your mother- Lily. My middle name is after her."

A curiousity grabs hold of him, she can see it in his eyes. "Oh?"

"Yeah..", she continues, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her robe. "My mother was a good friend of hers apparently. But it was not her that told me this." She pauses, drawing in a shaky breath. "It was Sirius. When I stayed with him over the summer. He used to tell me stories- of how him and your mother were closest to mine and how they got upto all sorts of mischief even if it was the most childish things." She smiles at it and sees the faintest of one pull up at Harry's lips too. "He.. He took good care of me.. loved me. And it was the first time in a long time that I felt no burden to one."

Harry casts his eyes down- probably to hide the emotions flowing behind- but she could easily see the pain inside him. It was a reflection of her own.

"I miss him. I know you do too."

"Yeah..", he mumbles, drawing circles on the ground with his feet.

"And uh-", she fidgets around, a little uneasy. "If you want to talk or something.. well, don't come to me because I suck at it."

A soft laugh escapes him at it and he glances back up, in gratitude.

She smiles at him and turns to leave.

"It was Bellatrix", his voice comes, stopping her. "Bellatrix Lestrange. Narcissa Malfoy's sister. She used the killing curse on him."

A rather dangerous rage envelopes her in an instant- but this was more calm yet something even more potent. And she knows exactly what it is. "She'll pay for that." A desire for revenge. "I'm telling you she will."