No Good For You

XXXVII

My room was trespassed into and the door was shut and locked.

I looked at Riot.
He walked up to me.
My legs were pulled and forced me to lay back as he wrapped them around his waist.

"Where's your girlfriend? Did she break up with you?"
"I told her it was just to soothe my bruises and that next time I'll let her do it. But that it ain't mean nothin'."
"And she believed that bullshit?"
"Does she look smart to you? Now I gotta take her on a date to fuckin' apologize."
I laughed.

"You're just gonna get me excited and not handle it?" he asked.
"I only did it to piss her off. She yelled at me in the elevator."
"Really?"
"Yep."
"You know what'll really piss her off?"
"What?"
"If I just fucked the shit out of you." He lowered himself and began kissing down my neck.
"Riot, we've been over this."
"God, I love the way you say my name when I kiss that sweet spot. Say it again."
"Riot-..." He kissed it again.

I gently pushed him off of me and he looked me in my eyes.
"We talked about this." I stated.
"You don't miss me?" he wondered.
I took a deep breath.

The objective was to get over him but that's hard when you're still living under the same roof and he has a jealous girlfriend that makes you want to suck his dick in front of her.

But...he wasn't a Jack type. He didn't seem like he actually liked me like I liked him.

"It's not that..." I answered and sat up.
He sat next to me. "Then what is it?" His lips apparently couldn't get enough because he still placed them onto my neck and put my legs over his lap.
"Riot..."
"Hm?"
"I want a relationship."

He stopped and looked at me.

"And I know that's something you're not going to give me." I added.
He didn't respond. I took my legs off of him and stood up.

"I don't know...I'll admit it was childish and petty of me to do what I did earlier but she'd just made me mad, that's all. But I can't keep kissing you all the time and feeling your hands on my body."
"What do you want from me?" he wondered.
"I WANT YOU TO CARE ABOUT ME!" I yelled on accident. But it was something I'd always wanted to say.
He just stared at me.
"I want you to stop only thinking of me as a sex toy. I want you to act like I'm a human being with emotions! I've recently been goin' on dates and I enjoy it! I want to be brought on dates! I want you to hug me! Riot, you've never even hugged me and I've known you for 6 years."
He looked away from me.
"You don't see me as a human being with real emotions and that's why you say the things you do to me!"
"I said I was sorry."
"Because they made you, huh?! Because they had to tell you that what you said was shitty! You didn't actually care! You think of me as a whore! And I don't want that...I'm tired of people only seeing me for sex. I feel dirty and gross because you make me feel that way and you don't care. Then you use me for the exact same thing you try to insult me for!"
He rested his face in his hands.
"Riot, I like you. I don't know why but I do. I allowed you to use me because it was the only time I felt wanted by you. It was the most emotional we'd get with one another besides a screaming match. And they were right to tell me not to get close to you. I've never been hurt so many times by one person. You make me cry and make me feel good all at the same time and it's a complex set of emotions but I realize I'm tired of cryin'. I'm tired of you leaving me layin' there alone and naked while you go do whatever it is you want to do. You fuck me and toss me away like I'm not a person and it makes me feel sick afterwards...but I kept goin' back and letting you in because I wanted you to want me. I couldn't stop myself."
He swiped his nose and stood up.

"I get it. I've treated you bad." he claimed.
He didn't look at me.

"I just wanna experience an actual romance for the first time. Jack takes me on dates, he kisses my hand, he holds doors open for me, we have funny conversations, and he hasn't tried to get in my pants once in the past five days, he's seen me naked and still hasn't touched me unless it was to hold my hand. I've never had that. I wanna feel better about myself..."
He nodded. "Yea...yea, that makes sense."
"I know you don't really care and you didn't want to be with me anyway but it felt nice to get it off my chest. Maybe it'll help me get over you and move on. So it's easier for us and I can officially start something with Jack."
Riot didn't answer. He just looked around my room, with one hand rubbing over his face. "Alright. I'll leave you alone."
I nodded. "I hope this won't make anything awkward between us..."
"Nah, everythin's alright. You're right. They uhh...they were right. This shouldn't have happened."

He walked to my door then left and closed it behind himself.

I stood there feeling a bit relieved.

I'd done it.

It was almost like a weight had lifted off of my shoulders.

I grabbed my phone and texted Jack.

"Hi"
"Afternoon, beautiful" he replied quickly.
"Are you busy?"
"Not at the moment, no. Why?"
"I was hoping we could go out and do something"
"I'll be there in five"
"FIVE?! WHERE ARE YOU?!"
"My hotel room"
"Jack how do you plan on getting here in five minutes from your hotel room?"
"A pretty girl just asked me to hang out. Did you think I would move slow? I'll be there in 30 seconds now."
I laughed at his last message.