All strings detached - Leon S. Kennedy

Chapter 7

"If you don't start speaking, we have no choice but to send you away, we've given you plenty of time and patience" What are they saying, they've given me 2 weeks, is that all I can get? I shake my head, looking up to the doctors "You don't understand" I yell at them, they don't know the things I've seen, felt or endured. "Then we've got no choice but to take you into a clinic, the therapist has deemed you severely depressed and a danger to yourself" I ball my fists, if I could I would put all my built up anger into them, that'd get me nowhere though. Leon has tried to get me to speak to him, how have I managed to keep my words so limited, no one understands. One of the doctors get closer, touching my wrist, my mind snaps and I punch to the side out of reflex. "Amber calm down, we'll have to take you" he explains, but I cannot think straight anymore, if they lock me up I won't ever get out, never! There's no way I'll get better, I'm doomed forever and they know it! I start bawling, throwing my fists around me as they try to restrain me, that's when Leon walks in, looking at me through the door and for the first time in 2 weeks I cannot keep my emotions contained, I cry out to him "Please do something Leon, I beg" as they hold me down, he looks at me, not with pity, he's looking at me with hurt in his eyes, yet he does nothing. "Please Leon" I keep crying until they sedate me, putting me out of my damn pain for just a while. 

When I wake up I am somewhere completely different than where I was before. I look around, one of my hands still cuffed to the bed, am I a criminal, why are they treating me this way? A doctor immediately comes to me, checking if I am calm before taking the cuff off my wrist. He introduces himself as my new Doctor, supposed to monitor my vitals. Can't wait for my therapist to come in and force me to tell him all about lovely Jake. The door shrieks, my gaze jumping to it. But when it's Leon that enters my room, my stomach turns, not only have I been trying to rid the emotions for him, I'm also angry with him. My facial expression seems cold, as if there was no expression, yet I was hiding so many emotions. "Amber" He sits down next to me, I turn my head away from him, showing no interest in his presence. I've been here before, him sitting next to me in a bed that isn't my own, saying my name the way he does whenever he's in so much pain, pain I've caused. It's so hard, keeping the tears from rolling down my cheeks. "Can you please start talking, normally" He asks, my eyes notice his hand slipping to take mine before he hesitantly pulls away again. "No" I reply, looking down onto my lap, sparing him no gesture. "You know, I've had enough of it, I know you're hurt, I know" He starts, does he really think I have the energy right now? "You have no idea how much I'd love to take the pain off your chest, but you have to start trying" I scoff "So now you care, you didn't care when I" I gulp "When I said those things at work" I can't say it, I can't tell him again, remind him again. "I care, why do you think I'm here, do you think you'd be allowed any sort of visitors? You begged me to do something, this is the best I could do!" I look him in the eyes, his never leave mine. "I can't" I say, it's like something inside my head is blocking me from talking about it. "If you think about it, don't you think it's good you're here, it's a step to get better" I look away from  him again, how could he say this? They locked me up like I'm crazy.. "Good? They're never going to let me leave if they find out.." I stammer, picking at my nails until they bleed "Find out what?" he asks carefully but I shake my head "Find out what he did" I force myself to say, looking at Leon made my mind weak, like I could tell him anything, how can I be mad at him in one moment and the other I want to throw all my emotions at him, telling him everything because I trust him with my life. I'm just trying to protect myself from further pain, so why do the gates inside of me open when he's there? It was going so well, ignoring my feelings, moving on. "I can't tell you right now" I turn from him again, I can keep doing this, if I just don't look at him..

Days pass and I still can't even do anything without being watched, but on the other hand, the therapist here has been a lot more understanding about not speaking, my recovery for the past has gone well, I think so at least, my ribs still hurt but my head feels better, i've been told that my ribs are still healing, multiple fractures don't just take a few weeks to heal. Leon and Chris have been coming in everyday, speaking to Chris but doing my best to keep my distance from Leon. For the past the thought that maybe this is a new chance for me, to get better, has crept up inside my brain, what if no one wants anything bad for me? Jake is stll out there, I scoff to myself at the thought, how could I let someone treat me that way? Goosebumps cover my body thinking about him. A knock on my door as I sit on my bed, Leon walks in, expecting Chris behind him but no one follows him. I try not to look at him, everytime I do I can't guarantee for anything anymore. "Amber, can we talk?" I nod, words like these always scared me, anything could come out of his mouth now. "He's still out there, you need to start telling us what happened" he softly starts, he never had any issues getting right to the point, huh? "I don't know how" I mumble, looking up to him for a split second before breaking eye contact again. The mattress sinks in next to me, he's sat right beside me, my breath feels like it's cut off, shaky hands, he's not been this close in a while. Why can't I look at you? I just want to look at you like you're someone I know, not love. "Amber" he says, so softly, with so much heart, I never wanted you to be so quiet while making so much noise "hm?" I return, biting my inner cheek "Look at me" I take a deep breath, if I look at him, I can't guarantee for anything my feelings do anymore. I lift my head, turning to look at him, that's when out eyes meet. Just for a second my heart beats outside my chest, I swallow, how long have I not looked into his eyes like that? None of us speak for a moment, just admiring the colour of each others eyes, tears form inside of mine, it's like I am looking at the person I could tell everything to, the person I've missed for so long. Not long before tears stream down my face, he does nothing but wipe the tears off my face, giving me the feeling of absoloute comfort, how could I trust anyone again? How come I trust him with everything I have? He pulls me close, his arms softly around me, almost as if he was scared to touch me, it's just like it was before, this time I didn't mind being treated like this, it gave me a nostalgic feeling. I can trust you, Leon, can I not? "He was so charming when I met him, you were gone and he was there" I begin, I had to tell someone. He doesn't speak, listening on every word I say. "It was all fine, until it got progressively worse, I wasn't allowed to speak to Chris anymore, I thought maybe he was just jealous" I take a deep breath "Then I wasn't allowed to wear what I wanted to, do what I wanted to, speak how I wanted to" his hand traces up and down my back, it's just like I remember.. "Whenever I did something wrong it'd start with yelling, yelling turned into slapping and that turned into beating" I force myself to speak out the words I couldn't, sobbing into the shirt of the man I've loved this entire time "Maybe I deserved it because after all I used  him to get over you" I whisper "Don't say that, you did not deserve any of these things" he wipes another tear off my cheek "There's one last thing, but I'm not sure if it's just in my head" I distance myself from him, "you don't need to tell me, I didn't mean to pressure you" he doesn't even know how to deal with all of the things I've just told him, If I just speak up, will I finally get it off my chest? I shake my head to his comment, he didn't pressure me "There were times where he'd want to sleep with me" I look down, I can't look him in the eyes while saying these things "He started to touch me, though I wasn't in the mood, he was my boyfriend, he's supposed to be happy with me so I gave him what he wanted" I feel sick to my stomach remembering those things, why do I feel like that, thinking about it? "even when I didn't seem to be in the mood he'd say things like 'Come on, i'm your boyfriend, we haven't done anything in a while' or 'Don't you love me, Amber?' So I did it anyways, because I did love him, right?" I look anywhere but at him, it must all be in my head, after all I was his grilfriend "Amber" He says "That's coercion" I play with the seams of my shirt "But, that's only because I needed a little push, right?" He shakes his head, possibly in disbelief "No, you shouldn't need a push" his fists ball "So he.." I stammer, I can't even say it, instead I clutch onto my chest, sitting in silence as I let everything rain down on me, all the things I've just realized. Everything inside of whatever is left over from my heart hurts. "The bruises on my wrist" I start, trying to explain but he gets it without me finishing what I was going to say. He stands up, anger on his face "I'm going to kill him" He curses, but I hold his wrist "Stay with me" he looks back to me, all tension in his face disappearing. He takes a deep breath and nods. So I tell him everything, every little detail of that night.