All strings detached - Leon S. Kennedy

Chapter 4

I've felt Jakes gaze on me the entire ride everytime he didn't have to look at the street, it made me nervous to go home, If I could I would stay here over night, work 24 hour shifts and never go back. If there's one thing I've realized, it's that Jake doesn't love me anymore.
My hair is falling over my face, I want to hide behind it so no one can recognize me. I pick up my file from the table and look through them, today is training at the shooting range, with Chris, of course, who else could it be. I sigh to myself, making myself ready to face him and have him talk to me about my hair. Jake left without a word, he had nothing else to say to me, not even to put up a front at work like he used to, everything comes crashing onto my brain now, all the things he'd say, they were just a front. I walk towards the shooting range while I put on my vest as well as my gloves. When I enter the shooting range I notice no one here, Chris is never late "Does anyone know where Chris is?" I lean against the wall next to the door, crossing my arms. "He's replaced by someone else today" one of the people I'm supposed to train replies "Well, they could hurry up" I check my watch "They're 15 minutes late already" I sigh. "Thought you'd be used to me coming late by now?" Leons voice rings next to me, my face turns towards his as his eyes meet mine, complete and utter shock, what else would I expect from him? "Ready then?" I push myself off the wall "Yea" He says, go nothing else to say? I throw my gun at him which he catches "Don't stare, it's rude" I walk up to our trainee's "Chris busy today?" I ask him, positioning myself right "Busy with an important escape" I look at him for a second, realizing his stance being the same as mine, sometimes I forget that he's the one that taught me.. "Who's escaped?" "Not your business anymore, is it?" I scoff at his response, getting ready to teach. 
His gaze is on me more than I'd like to admit, it has to be the haircolour. 

"Amber, wait!" He yells behind me as we walk through the halls of the building. How many times have I heard this before? I turn my head to look at him "What?" I snap at him and step a few steps back "What do you want?" I repeat myself, he looks in awe "Your hair" He remarks "I've changed it, is that wrong aswell?" I give him a snarky answer, hoping to be left alone "That's not what I'm saying, you just never struck me as the person to change their hair colour" He looks me up and down, why do I want you to notice how I've been, Leon? Please notice. I've come to the point where I beg in my head for somone to realize "You used to love your hair colour" he goes to reach for me, leading to me flinching. "Yes, used to" his facial expression changes the moment I flinch "What is happening, Amber?" I step a few steps back, trying to avoid the question. "Nothing" he walks up to me "Nothing? You just flinched, you look visibly miserable and dye your hair a colour the complete opposite of your own, tell me what's up now!" I shake my head furiously "I'm fine!"  Insist, yelling. He grabs my arm and lifts it up, pulling down the sleeves of my shirt, revealing my bruises "This is fine?" he pulls my other sleeve down "Tell me you're fine again, Amber" I yank my arms away and look at him in denial "It's nothing I just, I had the gloves on too tight" I try to find ridiculours excuses "God Amber, are you even listening to yourself?" I've had enough, why does he care? Why does he want me to tell him out of all the people in this building, on this earth. "Tell me, what is it to you?" I hiss, pulling my sleeves back down "Because I-" the words seem to not leave his mouth "You what? You care?" I scoff again "Did you care when you closed your door on me? You're the one that ended it all" he gets nervous, looking around and on the floor "You left" He replies "Because you told me to!" i breathe in and out, adding another sentence to my statement "So look me in the eyes and tell me you care!" he looks up and into my eyes, "I care, so talk to me!" no hesitation in the thing he said, he cares? He fucking cares.. "I don't want to talk to you because If I do I'm afraid that.." I start stammering, fidgeting with my thumbs, breaking eye contact "Afraid of what?"  His gaze still on me, I look back up at him "I'm afraid that you'll realize how much I love you!" I shout it at all out "I'm afraid you'll realize how much I still care and how much I miss you every single day!" He looks at me, no reaction coming from him, no word, no movement "See, this is exactly why" he shakes his head "Amber, I, we can't" he tries to explain but I cannot listen to any of this any longer, I've fucked up, I can't look him in the face "I need to go" I push myself past him, as I do I freeze, looking right through the open doorway, showing me all the people that have been listening, staring from the break room. Including Chris and Jake.

I storm through the apartment door, shaking without a tear coming through my eyes, I've cried all my tears, haven't I? As I open the bedroom door I pull out the only bag I can find from the closet, throwing the only clothes that fit into it. My phone is in my pockets. What took me so long to do this? I look around, the picture of us on the sideboard, what if he does love me and this is just...my fault.. I look into the bag on the floor as I hear the sound of a door opening. I look around in panic, out of breath. I run into the bathroom, locking the door behind me "Amber, don't make this harder thatn it has to be, I just want to talk" he yells outside the bathroom door "Leave me alone" I try to get him away to no avail "Open the fucking door" He punds against the door. I look around the bathroom, what do I do? My hands are shaking to the point where I cannot get them to calm down, no force in the world could. There is no way out of this hell, not a single way, I reach for the lock on the door, but I cannot get myself to unlock it. I look behind me, eyes locked onto the medicine cabinet. "30 minutes, thats all I'll give you to show your face" I take my hand from the handle, rushing to the cabinet, taking out all the packages of medications I can find, pouring them into my shaky hand. I take the cup used for our toothbrushes and fill it with tap water, downing everything in my hand with water. I sit down against the wall, my head blank, waiting to succumb to the effects of the overdose. Who needed me? Leon said he cared, yet when I ran off he couldn't even stop me. Chris stopped asking about me, bets are he's found a better friend and Jake? I look at the door, he's the reason I'm here right now.. It doesn't take too long until I'm in and out of it, blacking out occasionally. 

I wake up to fingers down my throat, excruciating pain in my body and a headache, the empty pill bottles next to me "You're not going to get away like that, coward" i try to fight against his fingers down my throat, eventually giving in to it, vomitting down the toilet. "There, now fucking own up to the shit you pulled at work" I stand up, still completely out of it "Jake" I mumble, fuck, I can barely stand up, how do I explain this? There is no way of explaining this, maybe just this once I do deserve it, I've done and said something no one with a boyfriend should say. I look up to him blurry vision from the headaches. "I'm sorry" he balls his fists at my words, trying to step away from him, if I can just get away.. He pushes me through the apartment, until he goes so hard that I am on the floor "You think you can do something like that and get away? Tell me Amber, who would miss you? You've pushed them all away" He mocks me, degrading my life and all the things I've been through. He kicks at me on the floor, get up, Amber, that's what I should do, get up from the stupid floor, run away. Instead I lay and endure the things he does, like I always do. What good has defending myself ever done? He looks away to which I take my strength together and stand up, aiming for the apartment door. I open the door and walk out, hearing his footsteps behind me. I cling onto the railing, blood down my face, pain in my chest. My whole body aches, one step at a time "Fuck you" He curses, followed by slap accross the face, that's it, that's enough to make me loose balance, a crack and my vision goes black.