Given and Denied

Chapter 21.

I had now stepped out onto the lawn of this very beautiful of gardens and already my feet were soaking wet as rain, mud and grass had seeped their way into the soft fabric of the pretty little sandals that I was now wearing.
I put the uncomfortable feeling of my feet totally towards the back of my mind as I continued to stomp off down towards that wonderful ornate, stone fountain that continued to spew out water from its out of its top.
Cameras and a long sound boom followed me along a small tarmac path as I put on my most angry of expressions.
I was acting, I was in charge and only I knew what I was going to do next.
Running alongside of me was also David McIntyre the director, clad in a prestigious and expensive looking wax jacket and a wide brimmed hat. In fact all of the film crew were dressed similarly, it was only myself that was the stupid one wearing a flimsy summer dress.

Trying to prevent my teeth from chattering and also trying my best to ignore the rain splashing onto my bare arms and onto my head, I had to be totally professional about this and make sure that I didn't shiver too much as the rain really now started to penetrate into the thin material of the pretty, floral summer dress!
My mind was now racing, not only because of the acting I was in the midst of doing, but also with what I had got actually planned.
This had to be good.
My own plan really must work if I was snare this most wonderful of men.

As in the script, I had now reached the beautiful ornate fountain and stood there up against the cold, grey stone as splashes of water from the top of the it hit my back only adding to the soaking I was already receiving.
With arms crossed, defiantly across my chest, I waited as Alan came striding over towards me with a huge umbrella being held over him by an unfortunate soul, who managed to look as soaking wet as I myself was.

I was actually acting angry but Alan most definitely looked it.
In fact he looked positively foul and for a moment I wondered whether or not to abandon my little plan.
But no.
Why should I.
He said I had no backbone, that I was weak and just did as I was told because I knew no better.
Well, I'd show him!
I'd really show him.
I mean, how dare he speak about me like that, he had no right to!

"That's good...... Keep it up Gwen! You're really angry with him now!".  
David spoke from beside me.

I had almost forgotten that the cameras were still rolling on me!
This acting lark was becoming almost second nature to me now!
Thing was though, I wasn't even acting!
I was actually being true to my own beliefs and feelings.

Alan Rickman was now standing right there in front of me, his eyes had now suddenly taken on a gentle, almost passive looking expression and I could have so very easily melted into them.
But I knew this was an act. He had turned on this look especially for the cameras and sadly not for me.
Alan was now Jonathan Saunders and I was Christina, his love interest. The girl he had already slept with. Had made mad and passionate love to. The girl whom he wanted to keep in his life forever more, at the expense of his own happiness.
To be absolutely truthful, Alan was not any of these things to me. I honestly had come to the very sad conclusion that he didn't particularly even want me in his life any more, never mind want to keep me in it forever. And as for the making love bit!
Well that had become a complete joke!!
I had actually stayed the night in his very own home on two separate occasions now, only to find that I had been relegated to a spare room and well away from his lordships boudoir, I shouldn't wonder!!
No he didn't want me, no more than I wanted flaming Ashcroft Jennings.

But I was about to, hopefully change his mind about that, I can tell you.
This was my final last ditch attempt to show this man that I actually really wanted him and despite the difficulties he had had to endure over my lack of self esteem and confidence, I was now sure about the feelings in my heart for him. In fact, I had never felt this way about anyone else before, so I needed to act fast.