What Could Have Been (HangexFemReader)

Chapter 4: Shimmer

A/N: Hi everyone! I hope you're enjoying the story so far! I'm posting an early chapter today and tomorrow since I won't be able to the next five days since I'm traveling! Thank you for reading <3

Two Years Later

It was silent save for the thuds of (Y/N)'s fists connecting to the punching bag in front of her. Her shirt was soaked with sweat, sticking to her body, as she continued to pulverize the bag in front of her. One fist in front of the other. Dust particles flew in the air with every punch. She let out a little grunt as she hit the bag again, feeling a light pain in her knuckles. Pathetic. She was pathetic. Her speed increased as did her strength. She hadn't been strong enough.

"Your hands are going to fall off. Stop."

(Y/N) ignored Levi, continued to rhythmically beat the dummy.

"(Y/N), I said stop," Levi ordered, walking over to place a hand on her shoulder. (Y/N) paused, panting heavily. She glared at the dark-haired man.

"I'm fine," she said through gritted teeth. "I'm training, leave me alone."

"You've been training for two hours now. Take a break," Levi's expression softened. "Even machines take breaks once in a while, and you're just a human."

(Y/N) sighed. "Fine. I'll take a break. Was there anything else you wanted? It's not every day you come down to my...training area."

Levi looked around the room, eyeing the dust with distaste. His own quarters were always kept clean. "Come up. I made dinner. I need to talk to you about something."

"Dinner. You cooked dinner?" (Y/N) cocked a brow. "That sounds highly suspicious. Are you going to leave? Is this a goodbye meal? Or did something horrible happen because—"

"Relax," Levi said softly. "It's just a dinner. Take a quick shower and come join me, okay? I haven't...seen Jean in a long time. I'd appreciate your company."

(Y/N)'s jaw clenched, and she nodded. She watched as Levi left the room and begrudgingly took off her boxing gloves. Ever since the death of Sasha and Connie, Jean had opted to spend most of his time alone. Where did he go? Nobody knew. (Y/N) didn't stop him. She let him leave every single day. For that reason, she hadn't had a decent conversation with him in months. She missed him. She missed him and Sasha and Connie. The rooms of the shack they lived in were empty and vast, each wall reminding (Y/N) of what used to be the past.

"Come on, (Y/N)," she could hear Sasha giggle. "Punch the next one harder! Imagine it's Jean after he ate your portion of beef stew!"

"Hey, (Y/N)..." she heard Sasha whisper during the nights. "Do you think we'll ever get the chance to live in Shiganshina City? Besides the food and stuff. Imagine if we had been born there. Do you think we'd still be friends?"

"Do you think I'm useless during these raids, (Y/N)?" the voice of Sasha haunted her daily. "I know I'm good at the crossbow but besides that...I'm not strong like you or fast like Jean. I'm not dead weight, am I?"

Everywhere she looked in the room she once shared with Sasha, (Y/N) could practically see the beam of Sasha's eyes and hear the echoes of past conversations. Of course, she missed Connie too. But she had known Sasha the longest. (Y/N) had grown up with her. Sasha had practically been her sister. And she had died all because (Y/N) had agreed to go after the stupid guards.

For days, (Y/N) wondered what would have happened if she had refused to go after the guards. Would her friends still be nearby? Would her family be intact? As (Y/N) headed to the showers, stripping her dirty clothes and standing underneath the scorching hot water, she thought of things that could have been. But it was useless going over that now, wasn't it? The pain had numbed, it didn't pierce through her like before. It was now just a dull throb. She felt mostly angry than sad, and that was growing to become a problem.