Something has been getting to me. I always have a favorite person. My FP is usually whoever I'm infatuated with at the time, a best friend, family member, boyfriend or even a pet. This is someone I rely on wholesomely for my emotional stability. There has never been a time where I didn't have my a FP. Until now. My first favorite person was my first bestfriend Alexis, then Nina, Emily. I never forget my FP. For years and years I searched for those 3 girls whom I spent my childhood years with. When I couldn't find them I felt a feeling resembling loss, a feeling of mourning. Losing a FP feels like losing a part of myself. For 6 1/2 years my FP was my ex fiance. He was my everything. My reason for existing. I was born so I could meet him. That's why this breakup has been lingering for me. Not because I want him back, he put me through hell, but because he was my FP. How do I break a bond that was so heavily created in my own mind? You don't. Tomorrow will be a month with my new boyfriend. I don't know how I feel about it. Not because my ex or that I don't like him. I like him alot. I'm just so confused by how healthy this relationship is. He isn't my favorite person. I don't rely on him for my own happiness, I know that is how it should be, how normal relationships function. This is everything but normal to me. The person I choose to give my heart to is usually the one I have attached to in an unhealthy way. I'm an obsessive person. I obsess over the person I'm with. I'm not obsessing over him though. I'm not getting jealous. I'm not getting angry. What is this? Can you force a FP? Will this last if he's not my FP, will this be the relationship that actually works because he's not? My world is upside down. I'm questioning anything and everything. My cousin told me to find my kryptonite. Someone I can't manipulate, and boy can I not manipulate him. As much as I change who I am when in a relationship, I also nitpick and change who they are. They usually allow it. This one is tough, sticking to what he knows and likes. He's not falling victim to me, unlike the rest. Is this why he's not my FP? Is it because I can't morphe him into everything I want? He takes my instability and my delusional mind for what it is, he doesn't try to change me. I'm finally accepted, so why am I even questioning this?
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The Girl With A Broken Mind
Random*Adult Content* I'm turning my blog/diary into a book. They are basically diary postings without the dates. They are random postings about whatever I'm feeling that day. Very raw, very detailed about my life. My blog and now this book is to help peo...
