With Love...

23 days, 5 hours, and 42 minutes

I throw up my walls and shield any sign of vulnerability. "I'll be right back mom!"

I step outside and close the door. She doesn't take a step back. She just stands there, watching me.

"What do you want?"

She wipes her hands down the front of her shirt and let's out a shaky breath. "I think we have some things to talk about."

I let out a bitter laugh. "You should've been at my doorstep almost three years ago then, Belle."

I watch her wince at my words and begin pacing. The porch creaks underneath her feet with every step that she takes. I think she might be mumbling to herself, but it's hard to tell. She stops, finally, and looks at me. "Can we sit?"

I look over at the swing, back at her before I nod. We both walk over and sit down on opposite sides. "Go on."

She waits  a few seconds. "I don't even think sorry can begin to cover this."

"I'm glad we've got that out of the way."

"Let me finish," she scolds. I remember when she would get a tone like that when I would tease her. "I am sorry. More than I can explain to you. When I saw you at the signing after the concert, it took me everything I could to no spill out everything I've been wanting to say to you for the past three years. I'm sorry Theodore. I'm so sorry."

I glance over at her and her eyes are practically glued to her lap. I know she's upset, I can tell by the way she's sitting. I sigh. "I can't just forgive you and move past the fact that you hurt me, Annabella."

Her name falls right from my mouth. So easily.

"I want to forgive you, but my trust for you is practically nonexistent," I explain to her, my voice is calm and any idea I had about screaming at her and yelling at her and telling her how much it really did hurt is gone. Out of sight, out of mind.

I can hear her sniffle. She's crying. Not loudly. I don't think she even wants me to know that she is, but i know her. She wipes her eyes and nose with the back of her hand and straightens her posture. "I- I don't know what to do from here. I want to fix this."

"Why? So you can up and leave again?" I retort subconsciously and I instantly regret it

Her gaze floats over to me and her eyes are glossed over from the tears. She looks hurt by the words. The tears spill over her cheeks and my heart aches for her as much as it wants to push her away. Almost as hurt as I felt after her leaving so suddenly. "I'm sorry, Annabella. I didn't mean-"

"No, I deserve it. I know. I'm sorry. God, I'm so sorry, Theo," she repeats over and over, dipping her face into her hands. I can feel how sorry she is. I want to forgive her. But there's so much telling me that I'm not ready to.

I move down the bench so my leg is touching hers. I put my arms around her and hug her close. She cries into my shirt. She mumbles a bunch of words and "I'm sorry" into my chest. I just smooth her hair down and try to comfort her because as much as I'm hurting, I can see she's hurting too. And somehow that hurts more than my own pain.

BELLE

He holds me in his arms. I look a mess crying. I shouldn't even be the one crying right now. He shouldn't have to comfort me right now when I'm the one who made him hurt. So many things are telling me to let out how I feel and let it be. He needs time to process and so do I.

I push myself off of him and get myself together. He looks at me, waiting for me to say something. Anything. "I'm going to give you time to process."

He nods slowly, understanding.