What we do in the Dark

Chapter Sixteen

"It's Friday, January 22." The building creaked as the cold winter air blew. We had spent Christmas at Jasper's house with his mom. It was fun. Jasper seemed to be ok. Though I still talked to his mom about it because I did notice him waking up a lot in the night. She had asked me to keep an eye on him. I think she knows something that I don't. Well I mean I guess Jasper is her son. Mother's intuition probably.

"Then yeah a week and a half. I think I'm gonna die Zev. I can't live like this." His body was slightly cold. Which wasn't totally unusual. I'm always warm, my hand everything. But Jasper. He's like an ice cube.

"Hey don't talk like that." I rubbed my hand over his hip softly. "I got you. You'll sleep soon enough." He turned his head as far as he could and looked at me. His eyes were dead. "You're going back to the doctor. You're not a kid anymore, I'm sure they could give you a light dose of something." He turned his head back.

"No. I don't want to."

"Jasper... look I love you, but right now I don't really care what you don't want to do. This could really help you. You might feel better talking to someone that actually understands what you're feeling... Someone that can help you." I kissed his shoulder.

He didn't answer. "For fuck sake." I sat up straddling him while cupping his face. His eyes were wide. "You know, I don't like to get rough with you outside of sex but you're leaving me no choice man. You're going to see a doctor. If you don't I will and I'll tell them everything that i see you going through." He cracked a mocking smirk. "Hey, I'm not fucking around." It was nice to see the amusement in his eyes.

I scoffed with a smile, flopping down onto his chest. "You call your doctor's office in the morning. Get that appointment." I yawned. "I really do love you. And don't forget it."

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It was the next morning, I woke up in my bed alone. That was common these days. I think Jasper would stay with me till I fell asleep then he'd wander the house. Try to keep himself busy. I figured that's what he's doing because he thought I was asleep one night, and he checked to make sure I was. I'm good at pretending to sleep so he didn't notice I was awake. He got up and just sat on the couch like he was watching the tv. The only thing was, the tv wasn't on.

I went out of my room to see him sitting on the kitchen floor staring at the wall. "Jesus Christ Jasper," I whispered. I walked over and got on my knees next to him. "What are you doing?"

He looked at me. "I figured if I stared at something boring it might help me sleep." His voice was slow and raspy, almost as though he had just woken up.

"Ok well, let's get off the ground." I stood up grabbing his arm. "Come on." He laid back on the floor, not even making an effort to stand. He shut his eyes resting his hands on his chest. "Really?"

"You know Zev. I think... I think we should break up." What?

There was a hint of anger that weld up inside me. I reached down and grabbed the collar of his shirt, pulling him up to my face. "You listen here you beautiful sleep-deprived son of bitch. I'm am not fucking with that. I know that's the lack of sleep talking and you don't really-"

"I love you too much to drag you into all this. I'm so tired I can barely walk straight." There was a deep sadness in his eyes.

Is he for real? "So what, you wanna go back to being friends? You think that will keep me out of it? The only thing that changed when we started dating was that I can tell you how much I love you, and we can fuck now. I loved you before we started this. I loved you as the person I wanted to spend my life with, and as a friend. You were always there for me and I will always be there for you. Whether we date or not. You're not getting rid of me that easy I promise you that. The only thing that you'll lose if we break up is this dick. Cause my love for you won't go anywhere." I was pissed but I knew he didn't really mean what he said. At least I hope. I don't think I could go back to being friends. I feel like he would look at me differently. I don't think I could ever put how I feel about him on hold now. Not after he's let me love him like this.