Blue ; Timothée Chalamet

29.

"No, not for me. I don't need to do that with you, and you did not need to do that with me. We weren't desperate in that moment for human touch." Blue put his hands on the counter.

"You were just there, Blue," I reply. "I was craving human touch, and you were at my disposable."

"Stop, now. Tell me you like me, Frankie." Blue smacked the counter and walked back towards me. "Stop denying it! You weren't that drunk after our run-in with the cops; all the adrenaline snapped you out of it."

"Jesus Blue, I don't need to be drunk to want someone to give me attention?" I scoffed, throwing my hands in the air.

Before I could say another word, Blue walked back towards me, grabbed my face, and smacked his lips on mine. I immediately kissed him back, my body feeling like jello in his arms. Blue grabbed my hips and pulled me into him. I moaned at his forcefulness. My hands trailed up the front of his chest and clutched behind his neck. Our tongues fought in each other's mouths; tiny moans kept escaping from both of us. Blue turned my body and pushed me against the counter; I could feel the cold granite against my skin along with Blue's curious hands. Blue's lips left mine and started kissing down my jawline to my neck. I moaned under him as he left bites on my collarbone.

"Tell me, Frankie." Blue pleaded breathing heavily. "Please."

"Blue pl- Blue stop-." I moan.

Blue pushes his body off mine and grabs my face staring intensely into my eyes. Blue's eyes wander around my face waiting for a response.

"Please just tell me..." Blue begs.

I shook my head, still looking at him. "I want... I wanted human touch, and I knew... I knew I could get it from you."

Blue slowly took his hands off my face and backed up slightly.

"Frankie-"

"I wanted someone that night because I was lonely, and it so happened to be you." I spat.

"That's not true," Blue whispered.

"It is; I knew you liked me, and I knew you'd give me what I wanted without me having to ask." I crossed my arms.

"You're lying; we would've just fucked then." Blue tried to sound confident.

I shook my head and scoffed. "I would never; I didn't want you like that; I wanted you for my OWN pleasure."

Blue's eyes searched my face; they turned red, and his face looked flush.

I tried my hardest to keep my cool. I could not let Blue see the sadness trying to come through. I could not let Blue know the truth. I could not bring him into my fucked up life.

"So, Savannah was right?" Blue whispered.

"Yes, she was. I was completely toying with you, and you fell for it."

Stop, don't do this to him, don't do this to yourself.

Blue dropped his shoulders and took another step back from me. "You don't mean that."

"I do. Could I've done that with anyone? Why would I willingly with you?" I spat.

"Frankie please, I'm begging you, do you feel anything towards me? Anything at all?" Blue balled his fists and held them in front of his face.

I stood there staring at him I shook my head.

My heart broke.

Blue swallowed hard, looked down at his feet, and then back to me. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out, just a faint sound. Blue shook his head and ran his hand through his head. "I can't keep doing this to myself."

I held my breath, trying to contain myself. I wanted to grab him and tell him how high my wall was up, and I needed him in my life to break it down. I wanted to kiss him and tell him how much my heart was burning for him. I wanted him on top of me, kissing every inch of me before fucking me senseless. I wanted Blue so much; I wanted everything about Blue in my life.

"Doing what?"

"This." Blue points at me up and down. "I can't keep hoping one day you'll want to be with me. I was hoping there would be an ounce of something on your end towards me."

"So, what are you saying?"

"I don't know."

We stood in silence for a little staring back and forth at each other.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Don't be." Blue cleared his throat and walked towards the door. "Don't be sorry for not loving me, Frankie; I can't force you." Blue put his hand on the doorknob then turned back around. "I just never thought you would use me. I didn't believe Savannah for a second when she told me that."

My eyes saddened. I felt like my heart was dropping to my feet. Blue and I stared at each other before he turned back around. Blue opened the door and stopped.

"I don't know if we should be... friends anymore."

"Blue, please-"

"You need to understand from my end." Blue's back was still turned to me. "I'm always thinking about your needs, please consider mine."

My eyes welled with tears; I put my hand over my mouth to control my cries, unsure if this were the last time I'd see Blue.

Blue walked out the door and shut it behind him softly.

I stood silently, weeping, in my cold dark apartment, alone, once again.