Please Don't Leave [n.h] // AU

18

February 20 last year, was the worst day of my life.

It was the day I lost two people that meant everything to me. It was the day of the car accident, the day Ashton died. It was the last day I had a normal conversation with the both of them.

It was the last day of so many things and I didn't even know at that moment. It's so strange to think about that.

I hate the fact that I'll never ever talk to them again. The fact that I'll never get advice from River again, or that I'll never goof around with Ashton again. The fact that it's just Amelia and Harper now, instead of Amelia, Ashton, Harper, and River. That was how it always used to be

The promises they made, won't ever matter anymore.

River promised me I could be the fun aunt to his children, knowing he'll definitely start with kids before me. He promised me that we'd be the siblings that live right next to each other and talk every day. That he'd cook for me because he knows I suck in the kitchen. That he'd always support me whatever comes our way.

It's hard to accept that'll never happen.

Ashton promised me he'd always look out for me, even if we weren't together. He promised he'd always keep me in his heart, even though it's not beating anymore.

It's weird knowing I'll never see them smile again or hear them laugh at my ridiculous jokes. That I'll never touch them again, hug them when they need me. That our silly night outs don't exist anymore.

I absolutely can't stand that I'll never hear them say I love you again.

It keeps me awake sometimes, thinking they didn't know just how much I loved them, just how much they meant to me.

They were my everything.

And they're not here anymore, they'll never be by my side again.

I got a text from Niall this morning, saying he's thinking about me and that he'll be there for me when he gets back from school. I'm skipping today. I couldn't face everyone right now. All the looks, the stares, everyone treating me like I'm fragile, expecting me to break down any minute. I don't want that, not today.

I wanted to be there for my mum, my family. That was the most important thing to me.

I shut my phone off right after I had replied to Niall. I already saw the handful of texts of other people. It's nice that they care, but I couldn't handle it. It became too real. I didn't want it to be real.

The car stopped in front of the cemetery where River and Ashton were buried. My mum sighed deeply and looked at the entrance with disbelieving eyes, the bags under her eyes from lack of sleep more prominent than usual. I'm sure my eyes look the same. I feel like I haven't slept in a week, never wanting to close my eyes, the fear of having a nightmare consuming me.

Niall spent many nights at mine this week. I don't know how, but it helped a lot most of the time. He's been there for me this week more than ever, doing everything to make it more bearable for me. The other boys have also done their part at school, making sure the staring wasn't too much, giving glaring looks at everyone who did.

Liam and Amelia have also grown a lot closer this week. He's been there for her just as much as Niall has been there for me. I see the concerning glances he sends her way every five minutes, the touching, the comforting, even when Amelia doesn't always notice it.

And of course, we have been leaning on each other more than ever. From facetiming every night, to always being by each other's sides at school. We were the only ones that truly understood what the other felt.