A Certain Number of Heartbeats

forgetting how to cry

I cried without shame for the first time that I can recall

And you didn't wipe away my tears.

Your hands are smaller than mine

But they are stronger.

Stronger because they did not hide my face away.

Callused skin instead just barely cupped my chin

Caught my tears and held their weight

Heard my fears and bore them for me

Gently

So I might rest.

I had a dream you hauled me up the last steps of a ladder.

I could have climbed myself, but I was far too afraid.

You told me I was brave when I wished the ladder would simply give way but took another step.

My hands are weak, and my heart, and my skin

But your kindness gives me somewhere to begin.