A Long Winding Road

Chapter 16

~Hi guys tomorrow is the start of school so i probably wont update as regularly but i promise im not gonna give up ill update yall once i can figure out a regular update time, enjoy :)~

TW: mentions of suicide and hanging

Autumn's POV

"Thanks, mom." I say, taking the plate from her and sitting down to eat breakfast. I open my phone to message girlfriend. God, I can't believe I have a girlfriend now. An actual living, breathing, girlfriend. And for it to be Shy. Wow. She really is one amazing girl. I send her a text that says "Good morning beautiful ❤️" before I turn it off and focus on my food.

"Hey, kiddoe." I feel my hair being messed up by someone behind me.

"Morning mom." I say, stuffing my face with food. Mum's cooking is really good. I've eaten it everyday, well almost, for the past 18 years and I still haven't gotten sick of it.

She walks over to mum and hugs her from behind. A bit awkward to watch, since she's shorter, but sweet I guess. She whispers something into her ear that I can't hear and mum turns around. They kiss. Now I get the feeling people get when their parents kiss. They break apart and look at each lovingly.

"I can't decide if this is sweet or disgusting." I remark, leaning back in my chair and drinking my hot chocolate.

They turn to me at lightning speed. They probably forgot about me. They blush and let go of one another. This is amusing.

"I'm going to meet Cheese and Shy, mom. We'll be back for dinner with the rest." I say, finishing my breakfast and heading up.

I come down in one of my mom's flannel shirts and take my bag. "Bye mom!" I yell upstairs before walking out.

Cheese picks me up before we head to Shy's place to pick her up too. She wears a crop top with high waisted pants, plus a blazer. Her hair's grown since we first met her. The greyish- white wavy hair is touching her shoulders now. She looks amazing.

She gets in the back seat. "Hey, babe." I say, looking at her.

"Hey." She says, leaning forward for a kiss. We turn on the radio and I start singing along to one of the songs. When the song finishes I catch her smiling at me.

"What?" I ask her. She looks so cute when she smiles.

"Nothing." She says, leaning back and closing her eyes. We reach the mall. We get out.

"Thanks for the ride." I tell Cheese.

"No problem. I'm gonna head back now. Pick you both up at 5.45. Don't have too much fun. Bye!" She says before driving off. We wave goodbye and head inside.

As we walk in the mall I slowly reach out for her hand. She pulls away, hesitant. It hurts a bit, but as long as she's comfortable. We get Macdonald's for lunch. We both get cheeseburgers and sit down to eat. We talk about random things, celebrities, news, before we fall silent again.

"When did you discover your sexuality?" I ask, sipping my drink.

She falls silent.

"Are you okay? We don't need to talk about it if you don't want to." I tell her.

"No, it's okay. I need someone to know the truth." She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. "When I was 13, I found out that I was a lesbian."

~Flashback~

I was so shocked. I didn't even consider the possibility of being something other than straight. I was terrified because I didn't think my mom or my dad would accept me. The only scenario that I could think of was them kicking me out.

Discordance lies on her back on her bed, staring into space and considering what could happen. The thought of coming out terrifies her.

Then I got rejected for the first time, by a girl.

She looks down at her phone. She hasn't replied in 5 days. Did she overdo it? She knew she was straight but she still said she liked her and if they could still be friends.

This was crushing to me. She didn't reply to me and when she did she yelled at me. I was...my heart was completely crushed. It's stupid, it's just a rejection. But to me it was like the weight of the world came crashing down.

She slumps against a wall, thinking of the messages. "Am I not good enough for anyone? For my parents or for her? What about my friends? Do they really care?" She whispers into her hands, crying.

I got depressed. I didn't tell anyone until I was past the threshold where someone could've helped. Even after I got over that girl, I still had depression. I didn't even know why anymore. There was no clear reason. Just thoughts in my head that wouldn't go away. That criticised me at every junction. And I hated myself. For a year I battled with it. Until...

Discordance sits in her room. She looks around, thinks about all the things she'll never do. Too late for that, she thinks. I'm not good enough. I'll never be good enough for anybody. I'm a lying, selfish, dramatic, attention seeking, self absorbed jerk. Everyone would be better without me anyway. I'm just a burden on everyone. I look down at the rope in my hands. I'm sorry.

I woke up in the hospital. I was found early enough to survive. At first, I hated myself for not even being able to finish it properly. It took a while to get my mind back on track. I started going to therapy, it helped. The worst part of all this is the people I hurt in the process.

Fluttershy leans over her daughter. Her face is tear stained. She's praying, silently.

"Please, let her wake up. Don't take her from us so soon. I'll be a better mom. Please. We can't lose another one." She pleads desperately with whoever is up there.

~Back to present day~

Shy is crying softly now. I walk over to her seat and slide into the one beside her.

"Hey. It isn't your fault." I tell her.

"But it is. They were put through hell because of me." She turns away. "I had a brother. He died at around a month. I never got to meet him properly. He was premature. I was 2. I always asked myself, and I still do, why he had to be taken instead of me? I have nightmares about it, bad ones, where I wake up crying. And in those moments, I want to do it again. But I can't do that to my parents again. I hate it. I hate myself for this." She's a silent cryer, which makes it all the worse to see her silently shaking, tears falling down into her lap.

"Hey. Come here." I wrap her in a bear hug. She holds on to me and cries silently into my shoulder. I look at her and make eye contact. "Look. You are enough. You are always gonna be enough. I see your struggles. I might not know exactly how you feel, but I promise you that I will be there every step of the way. None of this is your fault. You didn't choose or do anything to deserve this. We all love you, even when you don't feel like it. Your depression is lying to you." I kneel down and wipe the tears off her face.

"No matter how long it takes to fight it, I'll be there." I tell her. "I'm not going anywhere. I won't leave or give up on you. I'll be here. As long as it takes."

She smiles and I stand up to sit beside her. She leans forward and we kiss.

Suddenly, we hear a gasp.

I roll my eyes. "Ignore them. Probably just some homophobes."

She keeps on staring with a horrified expression at something, or someone, behind me. Something's up. I roll my eyes, about to start scolding some people who are ruining this extremely amaizng date.  

I turn around to see Aunt Pie, Sunset Shimmer and Twilight Sparkle staring at us in shock.

Oh shit.