What If Just...

32 Vivian

Today is the second day without Aiden and the second night with almost no sleep.

Tomorrow is a long-awaited day off.

Leo invited me to his birthday party, but I don't even know when it will take place.

Maybe the celebration has already passed?

I need to find out somehow.

"Vivian, honey, are you sure you're feeling well enough to go to work?" Grace asks when I walk into the kitchen.

I must be looking like a ghost.
I'm surely feeling as one.

"Yes, it's fine. I'll drink more coffee and the problem is solved for a couple of hours," I answer with a weak smile, then I suddenly remember, "Grace, do you have Leo's number? He invited me to his birthday party, but I didn't bother to find out the details."

"His birthday is tomorrow," she smiles affectionately in response. "I'll send you a contact."

After a pause, she asks, "Vivian, what's going on between you and Aiden? He doesn't come here, hardly talks to me on the phone. I'm seriously worried..."

"He's just giving me time to get used to everything," I try to explain, so as not to get even more questions.

Grace sighs sadly.

"You see...Aiden carries the severe traumas of his youth through the life. He was very...he was an open and emotional boy. The death of his parents changed everything for us. Our dog Richie, who literally grew up with Aiden, followed after them. Then our beloved grandfather died in a terrible accident," Grace's eyes involuntarily fill with tears, she turns away for a while to recover. "The boy considers himself cursed since childhood. He and I have been through terrible times. God only knows what could have happened to him. And also this girl..."

"Olivia?" I suggest cautiously.

"Do you know about her?"

"A little," I lie.

Grace sighs again.

"These so-called friends of his put all the blame on him. A guy who already thought he was bringing death to everyone he loved. It was the most convenient way. I took him to various specialists, but nothing helped. I was losing him more and more," Grace turns away again in a fit of feelings. "If it wasn't for my illness and Leo, who literally pulled Aiden out of all the troubles, I think the irreparable would have happened."

I don't need the details to feel Grace's pain right now.
I, like no one else, see deep suffering.

She gains strength and continues again.

"Sweetheart, I don't want you to think I treat you badly or try to intimidate you in some way. I'm just letting you know that Aiden has a certain burden he lives with, which can influence his decisions and actions. He's very affectionate, in the best way possible. If he loves someone, he'll be loyal till the end. But his attachment may become painful due to the events of the past. I don't want him to suffer any more, even though I understand I'll be one of his next losses..." she goes into a reverie for a while, then continues, "It's better for you to immediately define your boundaries, designate the status of your relationship so that he doesn't go headlong into a far-fetched reality, doesn't believe in what really isn't and can't be...and doesn't face new losses."

Grace puts her hand on mine and looks into my eyes.

"I...I need time. It's like I'm out of reality too right now. Everything's happening so fast," I reply confusedly.

I don't want to promise anything to anyone, because at the moment I don't belong to myself - I don't know who I am, what I should do next with my life, who to trust.