It Should Have Been Like This

Chapter Thirty-one: panic and kisses

I smell a rat.

   I went to the bathroom to wash my hands, thinking about Link. I knew how he felt. He was afraid of going to jail and imagining how ashamed of him his daughter would be when she grows up. She would never want to call him dad or visit him in jail. He was afraid he would never see her because Tyra's father would make sure of that, and he was afraid of losing Tyra after finally getting happiness. He was already getting use to having a family and a child of his own, losing them would kill him. I didn't want to lose my friend, not again.

   Rominic came behind me, wrapping his hands around my stomach and placing his chin on my shoulder. "Stop worrying, he'll be fine. I've already gotten someone on the case. I am hundred percent sure Link is not responsible. Calm down."

   "I know he isn't, but I'm afraid the guys might not get to him on time. He's like a million miles away!" I cried.

   "Stop exaggerating, they'll get to him between two to three hours."

   "Anything can happen between two to three hours, Beau. You don't get it," my eyes pooled with tears, "I don't want to lose him, I can't lose him. Link is more than a friend, he's a brother just like the others are. I already lost my mother, and you–once–I don't want to lose anybody again. I'm finally getting use to this life, I don't want to..."

   "Hey," he whispered, "I fell by the wayside like everyone else
   I hate you, I hate you, I hate you
   But I was just kidding myself..." He sang, smiling cheekily, his eyes locking with mine through the mirror. I frowned in disapproval. Why was he singing when I was crying and worrying about my best friend? Especially that song.
   "Our every moment, I start to replace
   'Cause now that they're gone
   All I hear are the words that I needed to say

   When you hurt under the surface
   Like troubled water running cold
   Well, time can heal but this won't..." I deepened my disapproving look by lowering my eyes, but he didn't shut up. Instead, he increased his heartswelling voice and began rocking me from side to side.

   "So, before you go
   Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better?
   If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather
   So, before you go
   Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?
   It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless
   So, before you go..." I was staring at him with lips parted and eyes studying his cheeky smile in confusion and suspicion. I eyed him through the mirror as he scooped a handful of water from the running faucet, then he washed my face. I wanted to move away, but his head was resting on my shoulder and his body was holding me back. He continued wetting my face, making it difficult to open my eyes to continue my suspicious and confuse stare.

   "Beau, what are you doing?"

   "Was never the right time whenever you called
   Went little by little by little until there was nothing at all
   Our every moment, I start to replay
   But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face..." Then it hit me. He was trying to get my mind off the whole Link thing, enough for me to stop crying like a baby over something I need to stay calm over, for Link's sake. He wasn't even dead yet and I was already crying over his death. If there was anyone killing him, it was me. Link would break down if he should see me cry and even if he wasn't close by, it wasn't right for me to cry and assume the worse. Things don't have to turn out that way.

   "When you hurt under the surface
   Like troubled water running cold
   Well, time can heal but this won't..." I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath, bringing my hands to hold Rominic's forearms now crossed over my chest.

Calm down, Lavender.

   "So, before you go
   Was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better?
   If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather
   So, before you go
   Was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting?
   It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless
   So, before you go..." His singing was soothing, the lyrics was beautiful, but none of it was what I needed. There was only one thing I knew could distract and weaken me enough to go to sleep because with the rate at which my heart was pounding, I would never be able to close my eyes. Rominic stopped singing as he ended the song, but he continued humming to another song I'm not sure I know. I opened my eyes and watched the man I love humming with eyes close, fingers tapping each sides of my arms. His breath fanned my shoulder steadily, his body heat making the dress feel much more suffocating that it was already. My beautiful should have been husband and now soon to be fiancé, holding me, loving me, comforting me.